Spawn
by Borath Pachelbel
Summary: Chapter 11 We've combined forces and created a sequel to 'Game Queen'. We've doomed a character to M-Preg. We chose the character who'd hate it most. We chose Bakura. (Evil laughs)
1. Chapter One

Authoresses' Notes: Hello...this is Pachelbel with the first set of A/N's. I begged Borath to co-write a story with me, and...well, this is the sequel to Borath's 'Game Queen and Then Some'. So, it would probably help if you read that first. If you have already, then...yay! Oh, and, please review. It would help my ego.

Borath: Begged me arse.  I *jumped* at the chance for another M-preg.  I'm sick I know.  So, sod off if you don't like it because cruelty and m-preg is possibly to only reason for this fic.  Um, what else?  Only done this co-authored thingy once.  Love Pachelbel's stuff, she likes mine, hopefully you like ours to bloody well review.  Read on.

****SPAWN****

Yami Yugi was completely unaware of the danger he was in.  He sat with Seto Kaiba, safe at home, totally oblivious to the fact that Bakura had just told Malik all about the past year.  

The year in which Yami had ended up pregnant with a Shadow-Magic wielding child.  Twice.  This information wouldn't exactly be considered important to most people, but to two homicidal yamis like Bakura and Malik, these merry little facts could be twisted quite easily into something truly diabolical.  

                                                            *~*~*

It was a warm, breezy April afternoon.  Malik had dragged Bakura out to the park, sat down on a bench, and...  Waited.  Now, it wasn't exactly usual for Malik to want to visit the duck pond, being insane and evil, but Bakura had long grown used to the blond's eccentricities and didn't think anything of it.  So Bakura sat with him in silence, quickly growing bored.  So Malik had begun talking about the destruction of the world and how he intended to begin it with ducks.  

"...So once they come back, they'll die," he finished proudly after explaining his Master Plan.    

Bakura stared at the pond they were facing, brows raised as he tried to figure out this new and strange idea of Malik's.  He gave up quickly and settled for just looking at the other in confusion, knowing that to spend to long pondering how ducks linked with the world's destruction would likely make him as insane as Malik was.

Seeing that his companion hadn't quite grasped the brilliance of his schemes, well he didn't seem to get it at all in fact, Malik heaved a weary sigh and explained: "I've rigged explosives to the bottom of the pond, and once the ducks come home to roost I'll blow them up."  Then he started to get excited as the mental pictures began forming, beginning to bounce on the bench slightly as he rambled.  "And then we can throw their fluffy heads at people and knock them out and shove plumage down kiddies throat's and kill them!"

The former tomb robber nodded slowly, turning all this over his mind very carefully.  Still nothing.  As usual, all of this was completely out of his comprehension.  Although the killing of the kiddies perked his interest.  "And... Why exactly?"

"Oh, do you mind if I sit here?" An unfamiliar voice broke into their conversation before Malik could answer, which, naturally, pissed him off. 

A woman with a very pronounced stomach settled down next to him without waiting for an answer, groaning as she did so.  "Oh, it's such a nice day, isn't it? My feet are _killing_ me!"

The Egyptian stared at her with his mouth agape for a moment, trying to figure out if this was some kind of a sick joke.  "By Ra, you disgusting bitch, do you think I want you to sit there when you've got a _goiter_? How do I know you're not contagious? Get away from me!" Malik cried, pointing frantically at her well-rounded abdomen.

"She's just pregnant." Bakura growled, irked by the commotion his 'friend' was causing.  He for one was almost glad to see a pregnant woman for once.  He'd seen enough of pregnant men to last him a lifetime or two.

Malik's eyes darkened as his panic wore off.  "Oh.  I see."  

Bakura could see he was scheming something - the smirk starting to spread across his lips certainly wasn't one of the comforting kind- and, probably due to the boredom he'd just endured over the duck idea, he was more than a little interested in what this new idea was.  Malik, seemingly having forgotten about the explosives nestled snuggly at the bottom of the pond, stood and began to make his way back to his bike.  

Bakura followed after a moment, figuring that they could just come back later and set it all off when all the lovebirds were out on the pond in boats.  Climbing onto the back of Malik's motorcycle with this happy image in mind, and they tore away from the park.

*~*~*

"I'm going to kill them all," Malik announced wildly at the end of miscellaneous ramblings related to the same.  Bakura rolled his eyes a little, tightening his hands on the grab-rail behind him as Malik got throttle-happy once again in his mounting excitement.

Malik ranted like this quite often, so Bakura ignored it at first figuring that he'd loose interest in it after a few minutes and move onto something else.  Squirrels perhaps. They'd tried setting fire to them before…  That hadn't worked out too well.

"All the pregnant women shall die!" Malik shouted suddenly, snapping Bakura out of his reverie.   There was a lot of certainty in those words, and that was unusual.  Not a single duck died at the hands of Malik; that was his yami's job, and- there was a flurry of feathers as they swerved into a duck crossing the street.

Okay, so there was _one_ dead bird by the hands of Malik, and yet he'd already decided on some other genocidal task?  The lad was eager to be sure…

They pulled to a stop outside Malik's home.  "But first, we're going to get Yami pregnant!" Malik announced as he got off and started towards the house.  "I want him to suffer the misery of mood swings *before* he feels the fetal-fungus being torn from him."

Bakura climbed off, resigning himself to these evil plans, as Malik seemed to be on a roll.  Quite an interesting one at that.  But that didn't mean that he wanted to get as involved as Malik seemed to think he was going to be.  "I'm not going to sleep with him," he stated flatly leaving no room for debate.

Malik froze mid-step and turned on the spot, a pair of unfocused purple eyes fixing onto brown.  "Of course not.  You're as sterile as a newborn cat.  Why else would I put up with you?"

"_You_ put up with _me?"_ Bakura practically squeaked in a very unmanly fashion.

And so, very soon, they were both attempting to strangle the life out of the other.

"Will...you...listen to...my plan first?" Malik choked out, Bakura having gotten an admirably good grip around his throat and now squeezing with gusto.

"O...kay...."

They released each other and rubbed their necks ruefully, glowering at each other as they did so.  Malik's voice was a little hoarse when he said, "We use a spell to get the pharaoh pregnant, and then we use another spell to kill off all the creatures that are incubating their snotty-faced little spawn.  If we do this every few months, soon the whole world will die off!"

  


Bakura considered this.  Stopping the growth of the population had its pros and cons, most notably that within a hundred years there would be no more mortals to terrorize.  However he also knew that Malik would rapidly grow bored with casting spells, especially if it followed a schedule, so he wasn't overly worried about the world's population actually being destroyed in this way.  He'd also never heard of an "abortion" spell, but the idea of watching the Pharaoh suffer-again-was too good to pass up.

"All right.  I'm in."

*~*~*

Review!


	2. Chapter Two

Borath: Hey! We got reviews so here is chapter 2. (Looks to Pachelbel) From here it's all downhill you realize? Best way for it if you ask me. ;p  


Pachelbel: *while coasting* Hey, I'm in LOVE with downhill, after a few early- spring bike rides! Oh, and lovely readers! *Hugs* We, meaning Borath and I, have this story roughly planned out. So, *holds an eraser to future chapters* if you ever want to see more, review!!  


  
  


Spawn: Chapter 2

  


Malik handed Bakura a plastic jug filled with a sweet-smelling red liquid. "Mix this." 

  
Bakura stirred the contents while Rishid chopped onions and kept an eye on three different mixtures already on the stove, and Malik finished painting his windows black.  


They'd been skulking in Malik's kitchen for just over an hour now, Malik barking instructions which Bakura and Rishid obeyed. Bakura guessed that he was putting together the unfamiliar potion needed for the spell; he had the urge to eat what Rishid was making more than he did for what he was throwing together. Still, Bakura found it irritating that after Malik got so excited about his idea, *he* was being made to do all the work.  


"Are we making dinner or making the pharaoh's life hell?" Bakura snapped, freeing his hand long enough to brush away the tears Rishid's onions were causing to form in his eyes. As a result he got some of the goop on his fingers in his eye. Which stung. A lot.  


"Both," Malik answered, pushing furniture aside to make room for their spell casting ceremony and completely ignoring Bakura's creative little curses. "Using magic always makes me hungry."  


Bakura sniffed and shook his head. "Of course. You're always hungry. It's what you get for not eating any meat!" 'Bloody freak' was added to that sentence in a significantly lower tone.  


Malik heard it anyway and shouted back, "Why do you care what I put in my body? And I didn't invite you to stay and eat with us!"  


So he was doing all the work and not even getting a meal out of it? This did not please him. "Good! Your cooking sucks!"  


"Don't say that around Rishid!" A glass vase holding stale water and dead flowers flew past Bakura's head and shattered against the wall. Malik never was a good aim with anything non-knife-like. "I won't tolerate you insulting him!"  


"Hurry and get the damn spell ready so I can leave!"  


"Why wait? Get out! I don't need you!"  


"Good!" Bakura slammed the jug down, sloshing the liquid (which he now suspected was Kool-Aid) onto his hands, and stalked out the door. Deciding to go and pound on Ryou for a bit to cool down, he left with a palpable thunderstorm over his head.  


Rishid watched this display with dull boredom, like a critic who'd seen a movie just one too many times. His golden-green eyes turned briefly to Ryou's wallet, which Bakura had left on the counter, but he didn't say anything. The spirit would be back sooner or later, which would result in a 'kiss and make up' session between the two (emphasis on the "kiss") and it would start all over again.  


He sampled one of the broths on the stove. Perfect, as usual. Glancing at Malik, he noticed that he was pouting slightly as he lashed black paint onto the glass viciously. Rolling his eyes a little, Rishid settled for finishing in silence.  
  


*~*~*

  
Bakura had practically kicked himself when he realized that he'd left his (Okay, Ryou's, but it was practically his) wallet at Malik's. He had no profound desire to return there just yet, but he needed the one credit card he hadn't memorized yet to get some stuff off E-Bay. Ryou had been stupid enough to go on it whilst he was out so now thousands of hard-to- come-by goodies were at his fingertips.  


So now he trudged back to Malik's, still fuming but eager to do the 'kiss and make up' crap. He wondered if he wasn't too late for dinner, the thought of a warm meal and an escape from the looming storm clouds quickening his pace as he walked. 

*~*~*  


Malik and Rishid were eating in the living room when it started to rain, the shorter of the pair excitedly outlining his schemes as Rishid listened patiently. He glanced out at the rain briefly as Malik continued, idly wondering what was taking Bakura so long.  


"-And so with the spell in place, the only thing left to do is to get that stupid pratt to ingest the potion. The spell will instantly go to him. It's brilliant!" Malik cackled excitedly, spilling the scalding broth across his hand and bringing about a long line of curses. A pigeon exploded outside as a familiar set left his mouth.  


"We need now to find a way to get Yami to consume it," Rishid pointed out, placing his bowl on the table.  


Malik pouted a little. He hadn't quite thought of that bit yet. "Force feeding? You hold him and I'll ram it down his throat!" Malik illustrated this eagerly on an imaginary Pharaoh.  


Rishid waited until his master was finished. "I think that with all the trouble we went through to produce this spell, a method with more finesse would be more appropriate."  


Nodding a little, Malik thumbed a pointed wing on his Item and began to think.  
  


*~*~*

Bakura was 'fucking freezing' when he finally got to the house, and the back being closer to him than the front, he'd settled for going in through the kitchen rather than through the front door. That would also be far too civil and polite for his liking. He actually felt a bit dirty thinking about it.  


It smelt like cherries in the kitchen, which was disturbing enough without the reminder that it was Malik's kitchen he was in. The equipment they'd been using earlier was still strewn all over the place, bowls of various things left lying around. There was a dead mouse next to one bowl, actually in the middle of a circle of spiders (all of which were impaled on toothpicks). Well, that was a clear indication that Bakura shouldn't sample anything from there.  


Scowling and pissed off that he'd apparently missed dinner, Bakura figured that he'd at least taste what Rishid had been making earlier. Walking over to one of the larger of the bowels, he grinned when he saw that there was still some liquid in it. It didn't look much like broth; in fact it was tinged slightly blue in colour. However it smelt delicious and Rishid wasn't always one for the conventional. In fact, if the lean man thought that there weren't enough blue foods, which there weren't, he'd find a way to make some.  


Bakura was pleased to see that, with Malik as picky about what he ate as he was, there was plenty of Rishid's cooking left. Sticking his finger into the concoction first, he found it to be reasonably warm. Putting it into his mouth, he also found that it tasted delicious, fruity in fact. After glancing about for some kind of utensil, he shoved the many knives, daggers and the one blowtorch to get at the ladle. Dipping it into the bowl, he helped himself to a generous portion and downed it in one go.  


Feeling rather satisfied after the first helping and quite eager for more, Bakura went to put the ladle back into the bowl. The great, hulking cloud of gold that suddenly appeared in front of him made him pause in his actions. He only had time to stare at it stupidly before it finished 'collecting' and dive-bombed him, sending him up and over the kitchen table and into the opposite wall. His head connected joyfully with said wall, allowing him to bid a fond greeting to the little Millennium Rings swimming around his head before all went dark.  
  


*~*~*

  


Bakura didn't know how long he'd been out but it was pitch black when he came to -with a splitting headache he might add-, meaning that Malik had turned off the lights and not seen him sprawled on the floor. With a sneer, Bakura wondered just how Malik had missed seeing the huge dent in the fucking wall. Unless Malik was still pretending to be mad at him, which was unlikely, as the damned psycho probably didn't remember what he was supposed to be mad about.  


Sitting up slowly, Bakura glowered when he saw that he'd wrecked yet another shirt. It made a change in that it was his own blood for once, apparently from the back of his head, if his pounding headache and sticky hair were anything to judge by.  


The reason for his injury came back to him in a painful flash, making him wince mentally as well as physically. He looked up at the stove, which seemed somehow ominous and.terrifying, given what had just happened. The pan....no! It couldn't be. Rishid had not made a delicious, blue pregnancy potion, and.. NO!!  


Bakura squoze his eyes shut and used the Ring to search for any change in his body, besides injuries. The thief shuddered in revulsion when the tiniest flicker of magic and life was found low in his abdomen.  
His eyes widened several times in horror as the truth of it sunk in. Poking his stomach cautiously with one finger, he blanched at the residual telltale warmth of the spell and smacked his skull back into the wall. Right where he'd already cracked it. Suffice to say it hurt a bit.  


When the little Rings had gone for the second time, he started thinking. It was very likely that the Ring would see this problem for what it was; absolutely more evil than he was, and destroy it for him.  


Just as he was having these comforting thoughts, he felt the Ring warm and groaned when he felt it expand it magic around his stomach, effectively cocooning the crap that had been stuck inside him.  


Maybe he could just ignore it and hope that it went away. He certainly wasn't going to tell anyone; not only would that ruin his reputation, but it would also force him to accept the damn thing. Maybe he should just go back home now and set about drowning the thing with substantial amounts of alcohol. But first, he needed to hit something other than his head against a wall.  


He stood up and moved stealthily to Malik's room, paused in front of the closed door, and went back to the kitchen. He armed himself with the blowtorch and a monkey wrench (blades were used mostly in sex, and he wanted to think about blunt-object torture right now). Now prepared, he went back down the hall and kicked open the door.  


Malik looked up groggily, just in time to see Bakura light the blowtorch. "What the fuck are you doing?" He mumbled, too tired to think straight.  


Instead of answering, Bakura smacked him with the wrench. Malik rolled off the bed. "Ow! What the hell-?" He dodged another blow before tackling Bakura and effectively setting fire to the carpet.  


Rishid, yawning, walked in about four seconds later and doused the flame (both on the floor and Bakura's weapon) with a bucket of water. Still with eyes barely open, he turned and stumbled back to his own room.  
The two continued pounding on each other and wrestling for various weapons, straight until dawn. When the first red light of sunrise filled Malik's plain white room, they were sitting back and, when strength could be mustered, smacking each other petulantly.  


"Let's go get drunk," Bakura muttered, knowing Malik might object, since he didn't like public bars.  


Unnervingly cheerful for this early in the morning, and while covered with hundreds of bruises and lacerations, Malik replied, "Okay, but I'll have to buy some alcohol. Convenience store down the street?"  


"I don't care, as long as we take the motorcycle." Bakura hoped that Malik's driving skills would be extra suicidal today. Just in case there was a faster way to kill whatever had infected him.  
  


*~*~*

  
  
Review! You know you want to. Yes, even though the last part was last- minute-thrown-together stuff. We're holding future chapters ransom, so you'd better send feedback! 


	3. Chapter Three

Borath: Cheers for reviewing guys! Wow, this partnership thingy is working out pretty damn good, dontchya think? My turn to do the bulk next so wish me luck. ;p  
  
Pachelbel: We have most of it done now, actually. Review, and you'll get to see it!  
  
Spawn: Chapter Three  
  
Bakura spent three days getting drunk. Every time he sobered, he'd check to see if he was "alone" in his body again. Every time he discovered he wasn't, he'd grab a fresh liquor bottle and start all over again. He didn't sleep due to the fact that a bottle of Black Labeled Vodka was enough to knock even a yami out, so no time was wasted in his attempt to kill what was now happily leaching off of him.  
  
By the fifth day (after spending the previous 24 hours nursing the worst hangover he'd ever experienced, which was saying a *lot*. The Ring filtered a lot of things so it was something of a challenge to get a hangover, and he'd drunk things similar to camel piss in the past without getting this kind of headache) he hated to admit it, but he was actually tired of drinking. This stupid condition of his was already changing him for the worse. He'd have to stop fighting, too, if he didn't nip this thing before it got large, heavy, and worse of all; noticeable.  
  
He'd kept his mouth shut though; he'd done that right. Ryou was clueless, figuring him to just be having an 'episode' that would pass in a few days. He had dared not comment on the quantities of alcohol that Bakura had downed over the last few days, amounts that would be potentially lethal for a mortal.  
  
So a week passed with Bakura suffering in silence, and his 'condition' only worsened. He was now violently ill at night, a happy little turn of events that he had yet to get bored of cursing. The first time it had happened he deluded himself into thinking that it was just the mass quantities of alcohol that he was drowning himself in. The second and third times though it sunk in properly. Remembering back to Yami's pregnancy spells, he had nearly killed himself outright when he realized that this could go on for up to three months.  
  
But most disturbingly, a thought that had occurred to him in more than one of his drunken episodes had not been forgotten, and would not leave him alone even when he tried valiantly to drown it as well with shots. That was; if he really *was* pregnant (which he frenziedly hoped he wasn't despite all the evidence), that would make Malik, or Rishid, or *both*, the father, or fathers. Urgh. Just the thought of it gave him a headache.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Ryou yawned as he made his way down the hall to the kitchen, thinking hazily how good a glass of water would taste, especially right now, as the house felt very similar to a sauna. His pajamas and bed sheets felt confining in the suffocating heat, to the point that Ryou was half tempted to strip down and wear nothing but a towel.  
  
Bakura had finally come home from spending a week at some bar, stinking of... well, Ryou didn't want to think of what he'd passed out in. It seemed to be a different stench every night but he subtly ignored it. His yami was quite temperamental lately, but that wasn't unusual, although it could be worrisome at times. He was suspicious of Bakura's interest in hostility lately though. By that he meant his complete lack of it. His yami seemed completely obsessed with getting as drunk as possible with as many concoctions as possible. Ryou feared that this was going to lead to a veritable explosion that he likely wouldn't be able to walk after.  
  
The reason for this spell of behaviour also eluded him. Had he and Malik had a bigger fight than usual? Or was there something bigger at work here. It was tempting to ask, but also suicidal so he kept his mouth shut.  
  
Ryou stopped mid-step outside the bathroom, the sounds of retching from inside catching his attention. He knew instantly that it was Bakura; his father would be out of the country for at least the next two months, and the dark spirit's mind was practically screaming obscenities through their bond, weak as it was. That weakness was a bit worrying though; nothing about Bakura was weak due to his old-instinct that to be weak was to be on death row.  
  
The teen supposed Bakura was drunk yet again, but it would have to be incredibly strong alcohol if *Bakura* couldn't keep it down. Morbid curiosity guided Ryou's hands, and before he knew what he was doing, he'd opened the bathroom door.  
  
"Yami?" He asked softly. A groan was the only answer. "Are you drunk again?"  
  
"I wish...." Bakura muttered pathetically before his stomach continued its all-out rebellion.  
  
"Are you sick?" Ryou's voice now held a note of concern. Yamis weren't supposed to get sick, were they? He'd never seen Bakura ill before.  
  
Bakura reached up and flushed the toilet. "I guess I am. I felt all right this *morning*."  
  
Ryou timidly stepped closer and pressed his palm against his yami's forehead. "You don't have a fever. You feel sort of cold." A pause as realization dawned. He'd thought the heating system was on the fritz. Apparently it was Bakura's fault that he couldn't sleep. "Did you turn up the heat?"  
  
Bakura nodded. "I don't know why. Just keep waking up... thought maybe some heat would knock me out." He sighed, resting his back against the tub, his legs bent and forearms resting on them. Not looking at Ryou, he asked: "What time is it?"  
  
"Around 2:30."  
  
Bakura gave a "hmm" of acknowledgement before pushing himself up, stumbling weakly into the kitchen. He had to keep a hand against the wall to maintain his balance, something that Ryou found very disconcerting and Bakura found very irritating. However, at the moment he felt too tired and wretched to care. He also felt the tiniest most miniscule spark of admiration for Yami in that he put up with this through two pregnancies. Stupid Pharaoh.  
  
Ryou followed, waiting until Bakura was seated at the table before speaking. "Maybe we should call-"  
  
"A doctor?" Bakura scoffed, putting his head into his hands and scrubbing his fingers through his hair.  
  
"Yami Yugi," Ryou finished ignoring the interruption. Standing on the opposite side of the table to where Bakura sat, he shrugged slightly. "He's had illness and the like before, maybe he has some advice."  
  
Bakura shook his head, regretting it immediately when the room tipped warningly at the movement. "If he's awake at this hour, I don't want to know about it. Besides, it'll be a ski-day in Hell before he'll ever help me. Not that I *need* help, by the way. The Ring will fix me up sooner or later." He neglected to add 'I hope' onto the end of that sentence.  
  
Ryou frowned. "Okay. But... if it doesn't, you should talk to Malik. Unless you have a problem with *his*... er..." his mouth froze momentarily under the glare he was receiving, and he forced out, "... advice."  
  
Bakura sneered, sitting up a little as his new-found hatred of the Egyptian granted him strength. It was his bloody fault this was happening to him. Him and his crackpot spells and potions. "Yeah, he'd *love* this."  
  
He quickly decided not to tell Ryou this was the *third* night he'd lost his dinner to nausea. If he worried the hikari any further, then Yami *and* Malik and who-knows-how-many-more people would be called over to hum and haw and scoff at his problem. Now wouldn't that be wonderful?  
  
Besides, what would he tell them? "Gee, guys, I don't know what's wrong, but I have a paranoid suspicion that Malik's get-Yami-pregnant spell might have-" Bakura stopped that thought in its tracks.  
  
But.. No! It had to be impossible! *He* hadn't been dunked in the Fountain. Ra, he hadn't even slept with anyone lately. And hopefully Malik had been smart enough not to leave the spell so vague it could affect *anyone * who ate Rishid's potion. Bakura prayed that was the case.  
  
"Where are you going, yami?"  
  
Bakura's hand turned the doorknob and he yanked the door open. "To get some...beer." He'd been about to say 'Pepto-Bismol' but then Ryou would wonder what happened to the last bottle. Bakura wanted this pregnancy shit either confirmed or dispelled entirely now so he could either laugh it off as a moment of insanity or start planning what the Hell he was going to do about it. Alcohol wasn't working so if he really was pregnant he'd have to start getting creative and serious.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Bakura walked slowly along the sidewalk. The local thugs knew better by now than to try to touch him or Ryou; even though he didn't come by this area often, he was a somewhat revered- well, *feared* presence. This was the first time that Bakura had reflected on that as unfortunate. He really wanted a bullet or knife to come along and find its way into his stomach right about now. But he wasn't that lucky. The best he could hope for was a scrap that would help get rid of some of his frustration and, dare he say it? Looming depression.  
  
Smothering a self-pitying sigh, he went into a local supermarket and, after swiping every brand of home pregnancy test they carried, he went into the men's bathroom and began to try them out.  
  
This took three hours and many bottles of water, and *still* they all came up positive. He double and triple checked the signs on the boxes, and was further disappointed. Throwing the last one to condemn him to his fate at the wall for good measure, he kicked the mess of test-sticks under the sinks and stalked out of the shop.  
  
Angrily, he decided to take to the streets again and try to figure out what he was going to do. It was now an ironclad fact. He was pregnant. And the conventional ways of getting rid of it weren't going to work. He couldn't very well walk into a doctor's surgery and demand an abortion. Beside, he wasn't quite 'equipped' for that particular procedure. Despite his valiant efforts, drinking hadn't gotten rid of it and if anything had only made his nausea worse, and he sure as Hell didn't know any spells that would help. He was also on his own with this, unless there was absolutely nothing he could do about it and had to admit to needing help. That could very well be close to birth with his stubbornness.  
  
As he turned out of the exit he ran straight into Seto Kaiba, who dropped a large bag of groceries at the impact. Bakura cursed his unusual clumsiness as he stopped to face the other. A thief shouldn't have been careless enough to bump into somebody. Kaiba's expression, as he turned and saw the thief, went from anger to the standard icy recognition he gave most people.  
  
"You're out late in a bad part of town," Bakura mused after a few moments of silence. His hands moving into his pockets in a sign of outright refusal to help pick up the scattered items from the bag, he smiled thinly at the taller teen.  
  
Kaiba rolled his eyes as he picked up his bags. "This store is the only one in town that carries the things on Yami's list. And since you're the worst of the things that crawl around this part of Domino, I'm not all that worried."  
  
Bakura stiffened in irritation before shoving Kaiba off the curb. Yet again, the bags hit the pavement, but this time the thin plastic burst. Eggs splattered, baby food bottles either shattered or rolled away through the gutter. Milk made a thin white veil over the sidewalk and blacktop before making a gurgling fall down the storm drain.  
  
Bakura noted this coolly, a smirk on his face. Then his eyes fell on a box near his feet. "Trojan: Now with spermicide. Trusted for 83 years!" the packaging proudly announced.  
  
"Condoms," the tomb robber stated dryly, a frown already forming on his features. Even they couldn't have preventing his 'condition' though. A layer of latex didn't exactly stop magic, no matter how weak it was. And if there was one thing that Malik was good at it was spells.  
  
Kaiba nodded marginally, a hand coming up to his face knowing that he couldn't rescue most of the contents of that bag, and he wasn't in the mood to duke it out with Bakura. "We're taking steps to ensure that we don't have to go through mid-night feedings again for a long time."  
  
"I thought the Pharaoh lost that ability when the Puzzle was fixed?" Bakura asked in confusion. Perhaps some other unfortunate accident had befallen the Pharaoh that had either made him female again or gotten him knocked up. That way he could feel safe in the knowledge that he wasn't the only one suffering. That would certainly cheer him up a bit.  
  
"Yami says so, and so does Tetsuo apparently, but we want to be on the safe side. Pregnancy is a huge strain anyway and with Yami it was dangerous because he's a guy. He doesn't want to be put through that sort of thing again," he replied honestly, his gaze remaining steely.  
  
Bakura realized that he might be able to get some much-needed information this way without alerting anyone of his little problem. Walking around Kaiba and then back into the shop, he was pleased to note that Kaiba followed him to buy the ruined items again. "But the Nyannichuan spell made it easier for him. Are you saying that it could have been worse than it was?"  
  
He felt a twinge of guilt as the latter of those words twigged a memory. It had been his fault that one of the twins had been killed, no matter how inadvertently. When he'd been stranded in Egypt with Yami he could see how devastating an impact that loss had been. It was a thought though; he hadn't tried throwing himself at the ground yet. But the spell that had caused this probably wouldn't be broken that easily.  
  
"A lot worse," Kaiba said as picked up a new packet of formula, dumping it into the basket he'd picked up at the door. He honestly had no idea why he was answering the Tomb Robber's questions, but if it was going to keep Bakura quiet and let him get his shopping done in peace then he'd carry on. "Yami's body wasn't designed to carry a baby let alone take the strain it caused. He got a lot of help from Tetsuo apparently. He worked some charms or something to keep things running smoothly. Without that I doubt that Kiseki would have survived."  
  
Bakura nodded slightly, pausing in his steps as a new thought occurred to him. What if the spell was permanent like the Nyannichuan? What if this was going to happen over and over? Glancing around himself in mild panic, Bakura found that he had conveniently stopped walking in the chemist section. Grabbing a small purple box from the closest shelf, figuring that he might as well get used to this protecting shit now, he increased his pace to catch up to Kaiba.  
  
The brunette glanced at his newly acquired package curiously. "Why are *you* bothering with those? It's not like either you or Malik can get pregnant."  
  
Fortunately, Kaiba turned his attention to the shelves before he could see Bakura pale slightly. Sensing that if he hung around here too long Kaiba would discover his secret, Bakura stuffed the box into his pocket and made a beeline for the door, breaking into a mild jog when the alarms started ringing. No one chased after him though; people knew better than to mess with him.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Review..... Now. 


	4. Chapter Four

Borath: Right, Pachelbel deserves the bulk of the credit for this one. I only added the odd sentence and all of Tetsuo's bit. Still, hope you continue to enjoy our combined efforts.  
  
Pachelbel: *grin* Hehe, send me to a family meeting and I go nuts with writing! This ought to be enjoyable; I think we had tons of fun writing this monster-of-a-chapter.  
Spawn: Chapter 4  
  
It was with great reluctant that had Bakura gone into his Soul Room for the first time since the spell hit him. He had been well aware that anything that happened in his body would be represented in there and he didn't want to be faced with that one. But he had to at some point so it had been as good a time as any when he got home. And his conversation with Kaiba scant hours ago had given him an idea.  
  
Bakura sighed, resigning himself to the inevitable. After a moment to suppress any nervousness, he entered his own little space of the Shadow Realm.  
  
The room was dark, ordinarily; so dark that only the vaguest outline of his bed could be seen. He didn't need any light, however, since it was an exact copy of the single-room dwelling he'd once had.  
  
It irked him to find that, today, the room was faintly warmed with golden light. It was a light that cast too pleasant a glow to belong in his room, but he was just glad there wasn't a crib anywhere in sight. Then he saw the source of the strange light; a small, glowing orb hovering nearby. *That* had to be the little worm. Maybe this was better, though; it certainly didn't *look* like a baby. He could squish this thing without even a twinge of guilt. Maybe now he wouldn't have to admit to his little 'accident' to anyone.  
  
A sadistic smile made its way across his lips as he strode purposefully towards it. He decided quickly that he wanted to destroy it with his bare hands. No, no.*one* handed. He wanted to crush whatever made up that little sphere in his fist and watch the light fade to black as it sputtered out of existence.  
  
As his fingers formed a loose cage around the warm.thing.his smile turned into an all-out grin. "Good bye, Nausea." He murmured, and slowly, dramatically, closed his hand into a fist.  
  
An electrical jolt of the most painful magic he'd felt (even when Malik had messed up a black-out spell) sent him hurtling backwards to land squarely on his back. Well, that hadn't been on the top of his list of 'things I expected to happen within the next 30 seconds'.  
  
Now completely enraged, Bakura jumped up and stalked back over to it. Meaning to send *it* flying through the air, he crescent-kicked it; a basic, but efficient, blow. It connected, but again he found himself down. This time he was on his arse and, having skidded several feet whilst on it, he was now quite sore.  
  
"Who the fuck made *you* a Kung Fu master?" He growled at it, not the least bit pleased that his unborn child was, seemingly, invincible. That hurt his pride more than a little bit.  
  
Glaring at the gold orb floating in mid-air with venom, he decided against hitting it again as he was already nursing a burnt hand and bruised ankle. Bloody thing. But the creature that Kaiba had mentioned, the one that helped Yami and the one that he saw in the Temple in Egypt, he could perhaps do something.  
  
Unfortunately it only answered to Yami, which put a bit of a hitch in his plans. However he'd heard the Pharaoh griping that the thing had a mind of its own often enough to know that it was possible that it could appear without a direct summoning. Lots of shouting and, sadly, begging was likely in order. But he'd only beg when he was desperate.  
  
Three hours later with no luck he admitted to himself that he was desperate.  
  
"Damn it! *Please* show yourself! I need some fucking help and you're the only one who can provide it," he screamed into the darkness around him. Nothing happened. Swearing profusely, Bakura prepared to return to the real world.  
  
"It's rude to walk away from someone you've been cursing for over three hours."  
  
Stiffening at the smooth voice from behind him, Bakura spun in a tight circle to see Tetsuo stood several feet away from him. Regal robes splayed across the floor and lavender hair pulled away from a face that held a hint of amusement as well as dry annoyance. The markings moving languidly down his cheeks and down into his robes caught the shorter spirits interest for a moment, seeing that matching marks were printed on the monster's arms. These ones wee static though. Red on black eyes bore into Bakura's own brown, making it obvious that the Tomb Robber was to state his case now.  
  
Not wanting to close the distance that Tetsuo had established between them, Bakura remained where he was as he pursed his lips tightly. He had a bad feeling that he wasn't going to like this conversation with the enigmatic creature. "I'm pregnant."  
  
No reaction. "I am aware of that."  
  
A low growl. "I shouldn't be."  
  
Tetsuo raised a slender brow at that, his hands clasping in front of him as he turned to the side and began to walk in a slow arc towards Bakura. The movement was akin to how a predator would approach a cornered prey.  
  
"Ah, yes. The spell that is responsible for this had originally been designed for my Master. So unfortunate that wayward it went, right into you," the monster tittered, demon eyes now narrowed as it neared Bakura who had to use force of will to stand his ground against it. He had an idea of what Tetsuo was capable of and, to put it simply, really didn't want to do anything to piss it off.  
  
"Yeah, it's a crying shame," Bakura agreed gruffly, crossing his arms definitely across his chest. Tetsuo was now mere inches away from him, well over a foot in height difference allowing him to be an intimidating presence. Not that Bakura was going to belay any sort of fear in front of it.  
  
"And so why have you called me here?" Tetsuo prompted patiently in even tones.  
  
Bakura had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. That likely wouldn't have been to his benefit considering that he was just about to ask for a favor. "To get rid of the damn thing. Now get on with it!" Okay, so the pressing urgency of the situation had made his mouth run away without him. Whoops.  
  
"You can't order me around," Tetsuo scoffed unclasping his hands. Mirth was in his voice now as if he found Bakura's audacity amusing. "I'm not yours to summon or to command. And this is your mess, not mine. Kindly take responsibility for it."  
  
"Fine!" Bakura exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air as Tetsuo turned on his heel and started to walk away from him, obviously seeing that he'd spent enough time here. "Then at least give me some damn advice on how to kill it because I'm fresh out of ideas!"  
  
Tetsuo froze like he'd been struck and Bakura quirked his brow as he realized that he may have just put his foot in it. Swallowing heavily when Tetsuo turned slowly, ominously, to face him, eyes glowing slightly now and the marks on his arms sluggishly beginning to move, Bakura had the profound desire to take a step back. Nothing had unsettled him this badly before. Facing this angry creature felt worse than the reason behind his nausea did.  
  
"I don't like your tone, and I don't like how you plan to treat what in actually is close to a miracle. Your disdain for life is of little business of mine, but I feel obliged to guide you towards a change in attitude," Tetsuo said in a low firm voice. Bakura had about enough time to squeak before Tetsuo raised a hand towards the orb and another at him. A bright, burning light flashed through all three of them for a few brief seconds before darkness returned.  
  
Tetsuo returned his arms to his sides, marks stationary once again. Bakura put one hand to his warmed stomach and the other to his pounding head. There was a niggle of 'something' in the back of his head, a third presence. And it was scared. Fear pulsated off of it in waves. It wasn't Ryou though. The bond between himself and his Hikari was filled with static indicating sleep, although it was clearing up meaning that Ryou was being awoken by the disturbance.  
  
"What the Hell did you do?" Bakura demanded angrily, approaching the monster in long strides. He was too pissed off to care about the creature's feelings.  
  
"I've bound you and the child spiritually. It can sense your emotions and you can sense it's. I've given it sentience but it has no thoughts, only feeling. Perhaps this sharing sentiment will alter your behaviour," Tetsuo said, effectively condemning Bakura, before he vanished in a cloud of crimson light.  
  
Bakura stood motionless for a few moments before looking to and glaring at the orb. A sensation that could only be described as 'what?!' filtered into his mind from it and Bakura only glared at it harder. "Oh sod off."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Ryou woke up for the second time in one night (morning, if one wanted to be precise). As soon as he did, he became aware of a dull tingle in his hand, ankle, back and shoulder. When Bakura let down his shields enough, 'tingling' usually signified an injury of some sort in his yami. He could sense Bakura skulking in the Shadow Realm and tried twice to contact him. The first time he was ignored. The second earned him such a vicious threat, he gave up on talking to the spirit. It was probably for the better that he did.  
  
Once he focused on the outside world again, he heard someone moving around outside his room. Seeing as how Bakura was obsessing with something new and fascinating in his Soul Room, it seemed to fall upon Ryou to take care of the intruder. Joy.  
  
Ryou crept out into the hall once he found a makeshift weapon. Part of him hoped that it was just Malik; the other half of him hoped it wasn't. Bakura could handle Malik's insanity, but Ryou had no desire to be subjected to the maniac's antics. And certainly not tonight; he was too damned tired.  
  
Ryou sighed and put his father's tennis racket down when blue and white light from the muted TV revealed a familiar blond Egyptian. Malik's violet eyes turned on him, squelching any hopes of escape. Advancing upon Ryou slowly, Malik tipped his head slightly and opened his mouth to speak.  
  
"Bakura's in his Soul Room. He won't talk to me, but maybe you can reach him." Ryou spoke stiffly before the other could start. And then rant.  
  
"Not likely," Malik muttered petulantly.  
  
"Did you two have a fight?" It wasn't normal for Bakura to just *ignore* Malik. Perhaps some other questions could be answered; his yami's recent behaviour for example. That was presuming that he could hold the other's interest long enough. That was a rather optimistic presumption even at the best of times.  
  
In response to Ryou's question, Malik scrubbed his hands through his hair, looking dumbfounded. "Well.yes, we did, but it wasn't anything unusual. If I'd *known* his feelings got hurt so easily, I'd have killed him by now. He didn't even come back for make up sex!"  
  
Ryou was starting to regret this conversation. Bakura wasn't a talkative person, and he'd sort of expected the same of the yami's lover who was now pouting. Which was disturbing.  
  
Malik, pacing now, went on despite the paler teen's obvious disinclination. "I was pretty mad about that. I mean, who does he think he is? But when I found he'd snuck in and taken Rishid's potion away, I figured he must have given it to the Pharaoh, so I can't be too pissed anymore. But it's been almost two weeks now, and I still haven't seen him, laid him, or laughed at the Pharaoh with him. Ignorant bastard's ignoring me," he finished with a growl.  
  
"You made a potion? To give to Rishid?"  
  
Malik shook his head. "To give to the Pharaoh," he corrected, setting himself back down on the couch and sniffling rather pathetically.  
  
Ryou frowned. "What does the potion look like?" Something clicked horribly in his head. "Does it make you crave alcohol?"  
  
"No, but now that you mention it, I'd kill for a beer."  
  
"I think Bakura drank the last drop," Ryou answered dryly. "Malik." He sat down in front of the taller boy, steepling his fingers and bracing himself for what looked to be a difficult conversation to get to a simple answer. "What did the potion do?"  
  
"It was part of a spell we were doing, but the victim had to drink a potion for everything to work. That shouldn't have been a problem; it was strawberry flavoured and all, but I couldn't think of a way to get the Pharaoh to ingest it. It's not like he'd trust anything I give him."  
  
Ryou nodded, pursing his lips as he continued in his struggle to nudge Malik along to the information that he needed. "Ok, but what was the *spell*?"  
  
"It was a pregnancy spell," Malik stated matter-of-factly.  
  
Ryou's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "What if Yami Yugi didn't drink it? What if.what if *Bakura* did?"  
  
At this, Malik began laughing so hard that he actually rolled off the couch. "Then he's screwed! I mean, how stupid can he be?" Malik laughed some more. When he saw that Ryou was serious, he grabbed the dark-eyed teen's shirt roughly with narrowed eyes. "That's funny, dammit."  
  
Ryou laughed nervously, causing Malik to nod in satisfaction. "But Malik, what would you do if he *did* get pregnant?" he asked cautiously  
  
The blond shrugged. "Dunno. Make him get an abortion? Kick his arse for being so careless?"  
  
Ryou's mouth dropped a bit. "But he's your boyfriend!"  
  
The Egyptian looked genuinely repulsed by that. "Ugh! No! He's my punching bag, and I'm his. We're." Malik's hand waved idly as he searched for the words. "We're fuck buddies!" Malik's pleasant smile dissolved as he glared firmly at Ryou, intent on getting his point across. "Not boyfriends."  
  
With that little misconception cleared up, and after making Ryou promise to tell Bakura he'd come by, Malik stood and walked out without so much as a backwards glance.  
  
It was now four in the morning, but Ryou doubted he'd be able to sleep again, not with all the thoughts swirling around in his mind now. Bakura had to know by now that he was.well, if he was. Ryou shook his head, thinking back on all the tormenting of Yami Yugi that Bakura had done. 'What goes around, comes around' seemed to fit into his yami's life, for once.  
  
But Bakura was his yami at the end of it all, and if the child was magically conceived like Malik had implied, then it was doubtful that it *could* be aborted meaning that Bakura would have to live with it. And he severely doubted that Bakura could cope with that. Not knowing much about this sort of thing outside of the few things he'd picked up from Yami Yugi, Ryou called the teen hotline, as the doctor's office was closed.  
  
"Hi, my name is Ryou. My. er, my girlfriend is pregnant." He winced, wishing he'd said 'sister'. It was done now though, and he couldn't exactly backtrack. Ryou figured that he might as well ask about what Bakura was likely going through in the immediate future; he doubted that his yami's pride would allow him to seek any form of advice. "I need some advice for morning sickness."  
  
"Hi, Ryou. Well, I have a kid, so I've been where your girlfriend is. For me, saltine crackers helped. It's different for every pregnancy, but obeying the cravings can help to prevent her from getting sick. And tell her not to worry about her figure until after the baby's born, because it's healthy to gain weight."  
  
Ryou was willing to bet money that if he told Bakura not to worry about his figure, he'd end up with a black eye, to say nothing of the madness the yami would fly into if Ryou let on that he knew about all of this. Bakura's pride wasn't exactly small; just walking into the room he was in could bruise it. Pointing out that he shouldn't worry about getting fat over the next few months was practically a death wish.  
  
"Actually," the girl on the phone went on, breaking up the silence, "I saw an article in today's paper about this. In the health section. It's probably a good idea to show it to her."  
  
"Oh. I'll go look for it. Thanks!"  
  
"You're welcome. Congratulations by the way!"  
  
Making a rather hesitant strangled noise into the phone by means of a response, Ryou hung up and stood for a moment contemplating what to do next. Figuring that surreptitiously keeping his yami in as fair a condition as possible would save him the most grief, he sifted through the previously unopened newspaper until he found the right page. After carefully cutting out the article, he placed it on Bakura's pillow and then found himself staring at it nervously.  
  
This would not please his yami to say the least. He wished he could run away before it was found, but he knew that not only was that impractical, it was impossible; Bakura would hunt him down within a day. So, he resigned himself to his fate and collapsed on the sofa, flipping through channels in an attempt to distract himself until Bakura left his Soul Room and found the article.  
  
****  
  
It was over an hour before that happy event occurred, Bakura having spent most of that time most productively glaring and flinging every expletive he had ever known at the orb of light. He'd stopped when he'd become fed up of feeling its growing depression, settling for sitting on his bed and brooding instead.  
  
He had grudgingly come to the conclusion that this was something that he was going to have to live with. To his knowledge the spell couldn't be reversed and it was obvious that the child couldn't be destroyed. So he was stuck with it. How exactly he was going to cope over the next few months was beyond him. He'd probably have to leave the country for a few months when he started to get 'round' to avoid the unpleasantness of everyone finding out. He could figure out the birth and abandonment bits then.  
  
Wanting nothing more than sleep after what had honestly been a thoroughly exhausting day, Bakura had left his Soul Room without so much as glancing at Ryou and made his way upstairs. Dropping onto the mattress, he frowned when he heard paper crumple.  
  
Pulling it out from beneath his head, he scanned over the text, his eyes growing wider with every word and his mouth falling open. How in the Hell had this gotten oh-so-conveniently onto his pillow? Ryou... His bloody Hikari knew. Somehow he'd either been smart enough to put it together or he'd found out some other way.  
  
Planning on confronting his 'beloved' other in the morning and then beating the information right back out of him, Bakura rolled onto his side and settled to go to sleep. From his stomach, a light feeling of contentment trickled into his mind. Obviously the child was easily satisfied. It certainly seemed to hold no animosity against its 'father' over his attempts to kill it.  
  
Bakura promised to make a damn good attempt to change that over the coming weeks. If he and the child hated each other, then the next nine months and the separation afterwards would go a lot easier.  
  
****  
  
Borath: Review button is right there (Points). Clickity-click!  
  
Pachelbel: Yes! Do! NOW! I mean, that's EIGHT pages for you to comment on, so don't you DARE wimp out with the feedback!! 


	5. Chapter Five

Borath: Hey all!  Chapter 5 and the plot is coming along nicely, dontchya think?  Fluff on its way soon for all you fans of it.  Um, can't think of anything else to stick here for once.  Pachelbel?

Pachelbel: We're making Bakura's life HELL! Just wait! And reviews are very lovingly received *hint hint* And HUGE thanks from both of us to GothicDJ.  We loved the long, kind review, and the fact that you've reviewed each chapter! *hug!*

Borath: (Joins the hug-fest) So big reviews are loved.  Read it and leave 'em please ;p

Spawn: Chapter Five

Most nights had become painfully predictable for Bakura, a monotonous, satanic routine that he was at the stage of being quite willing to cut out his stomach to end.  He would wake at about two in the morning, just in time to make a joyfully mad dash for the bathroom.  After a half-hour or so spent hugging the toilet and shivering pathetically, he would usually feel well enough to collapse in a boneless heap on his bed and go back to sleep.  The maddening thing about this (or, one of the worst things) was the fact that he got the feeling the baby had absolutely no idea that it was the cause of this.  Ignorance is bliss...

          On top of that, he was also struck with hunger at inopportune moments.  These included being in the middle of the park with only a dubious hot-dog vendor as a food source, and the middle of Ryou's classes at school.  It was helpful on those occasions that his Hikari knew about his little condition; he had the sense to stop by a food dispenser when the sound of his yami smacking his head into his Soul Room wall became loud enough to be distracting.

One fine pre-dawn morning, when he was about three weeks along, and with a stomach still a little sore from night sickness, he awoke to the imagined smell of food.  These were the times when he felt like a real idiot and damned the baby to even more unimaginable tortures than usual.  He tried to ignore the gnawing, grumbling emptiness that seemed to echo around the hollowness in his stomach, and the longing emanating from the leech that had taken up residence somewhere in his abdomen.  Except this proved impossible.  No matter how determined he *_thought*_ he was not to eat, he still found himself moving into the kitchen and searching for his crackers.

          Bakura's attempts to convince himself this little trip and frantic search had nothing to do with the baby vanished when he realized that the dry, salty food necessary to fight off vomiting spells was gone.  Not a saltine cracker in the house.  None.  Even the emergency hoard he kept beneath the sink was non-existent, and after he'd finished licking crumbs from the last box like a starving hamster, not even a speck of the stuff could be found.

          Scowling like a petulant child, Bakura leant his back against the cupboard as he contemplated what he was going to do now.  The baby was still gnawing away and just the thought of any other food substance made him feel queasy.  Unaware of the action, his hand wandered down to rest across his abdomen, his fingers splayed and the tips moving in slow, rhythmical circles.

Well, there was only one thing left.  He'd just have to go to the store, in the pitch black and cold, compliments of Ryou's wallet.  The same damn wallet that had started this mess by forcing him to return to Malik's Ra-damned apartment and, consequently, leading him to eat the pregnancy potion.

          Quality Discounts was the nearest store.  Well, 'store' was a stretch considering the condition of the place.  Bakura would have preferred to go somewhere else—a week ago, he would have hacked off his own foot before even considering such a run-down shit hole, and that was saying something—but he was too tired to go more than a block away.  Frighteningly enough, the thought of settling for stale crackers and expired packages didn't bother him as much as he'd expected.  He put it down to desperation for the damned things.

          As he walked along, a glowing happiness seeped into his mind from the little corner Tetsuo had kindly given to the baby.  It was polluting him, and what made it worse was that it was due to the stupid, insanely simple fact that 'the two of them' were out on a walk.  Together.  It was a beautiful, sunny moment that Bakura wanted erased from the face of time itself.  Ra help him when he was heavily pregnant and had to tolerate feathery touches and violent kicks in addition to these sickly joyful twinges in his brain.

          Bakura growled and tried to push away the twit's joy as he stepped into the flickering lights of Quality Discounts and headed for the snack aisle.  In here it was literally Hell in fluorescent lighting.  Pimply-faced youths scurried around stacking shelves and retiring women who obviously couldn't get laid were blankly manning the tills.  The Tomb Raider wanted nothing more than to burn this place to the ground, but it had his precious Saltine crackers in it so it was spared.  For the moment at least.

Wandering down the harshly lit aisles, Bakura stuffed his hands into his pockets as he scoured the shelves for his prized crackers.  A slightly dented package of Twinkies caught his eye, possibly due to the fact that it was a box dating back to 1968 at the latest.  His lip curling in disgust at the item, his eyes widened at the sudden feeling of unbridled excitement from his spawn.  

'Oh no you bloody don't.  I refuse to put that stone-age crap in my body.  Having you in me is bad enough.' He attempted to hammer this thought into the child's tiny mind.

Still, the thought of soft, spongy golden cake and thick, white cream brought a feeling of almost overwhelming longing from the baby.  *Almost* overwhelming.

          Bakura shuddered.  "I *_hate* Hostess."  The craving became more insistent as he stared at the vintage box.  Gritting his teeth Bakura quickly moved on, smirking at the disappointment leaking into his mind from the child.  'Might as well teach the little sod the disappointments of life early on.'_

          Finally finding his desired saltines, Bakura shoved five boxes under his arm and picked up a sixth.  Tearing the pack open with the hopes of filling up on them before he could discover the little maggot liked any other foods that he thoroughly detested, he stuffed two into his mouth and took a moment to savor the sensation of the baby ceasing its incessant begging.

Now, to head back home, hoard away his crackers and aim for another few hours sleep.  It was the weekend mercifully so he could continue his with his attempts at sleep for longer than usual.

*~*~*~*

          Ryou was very glad it was Sunday.  His plans thus far, after having slept in until 10, were now to shower, eat breakfast, and then head over to Yugi's.  Except that a shirtless Bakura was blocking the entry to the bathroom, and completely oblivious to Ryou's presence.  

          Ryou watched the yami curiously, fascinated by the usually gruff spirit's drastic change in behaviour.  Although he denied it–and worked damn hard against it-, the baby was changing him.  He was so preoccupied with his pregnancy he barely sent a scathing remark Ryou's way anymore.  

This morning, Bakura was staring with a rather perplexed expression first at his reflection in the full-length mirror and then down at his stomach.  Experimentally, he poked his bare waistline with a single finger.  The result of his finger sinking into his flesh was a very agitated frown, despite there being very little change in the spirit's physique that Ryou could see at first glance.

          The lighter half of the pair had noticed Bakura working out more than usual with unrelenting determination, but now that he looked, it seemed Bakura's normally solid, perfectly defined muscles (a large source of pride for the rather conceited spirit) were… well, just a little bit smoother.  Softer looking.  'Soft' was not a word that Bakura wanted as part of his physical description, as it was already banned from his vocabulary.

          "I think that's normal," Ryou murmured, keeping his voice low to avoid startling the other, since such a thing could prove to be fatal.  He also secretly didn't want to startle the spirit now that he was in a more 'delicate condition', another word that he daren't breathe around his yami. 

          Bakura gritted his teeth when he turned to his aibou and the baby practically cart wheeled for joy.  Not only was the brat gradually turning him into the Pillsbury Doughboy, it had a soft spot for simpering wimps like Ryou and Yugi.  He knew for a fact that the next 8 months were going to be a living nightmare.

"It doesn't mean I have to like it," he growled out in response, glancing back down and poking at his stomach again before rolling his eyes and letting his arms fall slack.  "I fucking hate this!  I hate this thing's happy little *feelings* seeping into my mind, I hate that it's leaching off me and I hate what it's doing to my body."  

          Ryou bit his lip and looked down at that.  He did feel some measure of pity for his yami as the spirit was obviously very opposed to the situation, but he also felt saddened for him.  Bakura obviously didn't appreciate what had been accomplished and if the baby was as happy and loving and he bitched it was, then it most certainly didn't deserve to be unwanted.  Ryou just hoped that given a few weeks the idea would grow on Bakura and he would develop some sort of rapport with the baby.  He was its father after all. 

          Hoping to make Bakura feel a little better, Ryou answered, "You don't look any different, really.  You're not 'showing', at least not at your stomach."

          "What the hell does that mean?" Bakura glared at the hikari.

          Tilting his head a bit, Ryou tried to find the words to explain.  "It's nothing to be paranoid about.  You just look…I don't know, your face looks a little bit fuller.  Soft—er, not as…rough around the edges."

Bakura's earlier glare came back in full force.  He didn't have time to respond as he would have liked though, further affirming the fact that this was going to be a very, very bad day.

"What are we looking at?" A cheerful, psychotically lilting voice asked before Bakura could properly respond to Ryou's comments.  Seconds after that, Malik peered over Ryou's shoulder and studied his non-boyfriend.  Having gotten bored and more than a little agitated by the fact that Bakura hadn't gotten over himself and returned for a 'make-up' session, he'd taken the initiative and broken into the house to start things off himself.

          Snapping to awareness instantly, Bakura immediately grabbed up his shirt from the sink before Malik could catch on to the fact that his physique was slowly starting to resemble a 'beer belly'.  He was actually planning to blame it on that if anyone started asking questions.  He would rather be thought of as a slob than have them know that he was pregnant, no matter how much damage that would do to his image and ego.  

          "No…leave it off…" The blond purred, stepping past Ryou and eyeing up Bakura as if he were a side dish.  He took out from his pocket and dropped an unopened Twinkie packet, of all things, onto the counter.  Malik's hands were now working around the other's waist, seemingly not noticing the changes that had occurred, nails leaving pink marks where they were dragged across the lightly tanned flesh.  Perhaps the little hikari was right; maybe he didn't have anything to worry about, yet.

Bakura's attention was now split between Malik's wandering, caressing, clawing hands and a cellophane-wrapped snack cake.  By this time, Ryou had wisely retreated, figuring that he'd rather go over to Yugi's now and shower later than stay at home for 'this'.

It wasn't long before Malik noticed where Bakura's eyes kept wandering.  He must have been more sexually starved than Bakura had thought, for he took no offense to it.  Instead he snatched it up and offered it to the slightly shorter yami, thrusting it into Bakura's hand when he didn't take it immediately.

"Eat it in bed!" He ordered, before grabbing Bakura's arm roughly and half-dragging him to the bedroom.  

Practically thrown onto the bed, Bakura found himself instinctively curling his body slightly so as to protect his stomach from the impact.  Frowning and musing over this strange action of his, he didn't even remember Malik's presence until he was bitten rather harshly on his neck.  Not really in the mood for what the other was obviously desperate for, he planted his hand on Malik's forehead and roughly shoved him away before ripping open the Twinkie packet and taking a mouthful.

If the baby had a voice, it would have been singing with joy.  Choosing to ignore the happiness that he was bringing it, Bakura instead insisted to himself that this was a selfish action because he wanted the Twinkie and now he was getting an immense satisfaction out of it.

That was up until Malik lunged at him and he choked on fluffy cake and gooey cream.  "Bloody lay off!" he shouted when he could get an even breath in, glaring at the Egyptian who currently looked very confused and more than a little pissed off.

Crawling up over Bakura with purpose and intent, Malik stared hard into his eyes.  "You listen to me; we are going to fuck now and I don't give a shit about a stupid littl-"

He stopped short with wide eyes when his chest reached a point where it was hanging directly over Bakura's stomach, amethyst eyes narrowing and brow furrowed as he focused on the whisper of the magical traces that he definitely recognized from somewhere.  Bakura could only watch with wide eyes as Malik shifted and planted his head sideways on his abdomen before he could do anything.  

          Jerking back as if burned, Malik stared at Bakura with wide eyes, mouth agape and brows lost in his hairline.  "You-it-the…  You bloody ate Rishid's potion!" he shouted finally, pointing an accusing finger at the pale spirit.  He sat back frozen like this as it sunk in before his face cracked and he dissolved into maniacal laughter. 

"You stupid prat!  I can't believe you did this!" he managed between cackles, holding his sides as he shuddered with the force of it.

"Sod you!  This is all your fucking fault so shut up.  How the Hell can you tell anyway?" Bakura demanded, worried that if Malik could tell then Yami would be able to tell which would lead to a world of headaches that he really didn't want.

Calming down a bit, although his constantly insane eyes still held a glint of mirth, the Egyptian tipped his at his abdomen.  "The spell is still bouncing around in your body, not to mention the fact that that thing is practically pulsating magical energy," Malik stated loudly, jabbing a finger at Bakura.

In response the baby seemed to curl and a distinct feeling of distrust filtered through the link.  'How ironic', Bakura mused to himself sourly.  The baby appeared to loath Malik yet practically jumped for joy whenever his Hikari or Yugi were around.  Something big and powerful hated him.  That was the only way to explain this.  Although Malik was annoying the shit out of him at the moment; he had started laughing again for no apparent reason.

After a few moments during which Bakura had crossed his arms across his chest and begun glaring daggers at him, a new thought occurred to Malik and he turned somber instantly, his face becoming serious as his eyes darkened.  

"You'd better not be having any bright ideas about keeping that thing," he said firmly, eyes narrowing as he pointed at it again having figured that Bakura wasn't taking to being jabbed too well.

Bakura's eyes widened quite comically.  "What?!  Of course not!  It just turns out that killing the damned thing is a lot harder than you'd think."

Malik seemed to perk up at that.  "Really?  I'll think of something then!  I'm good at killing things.  This could be like a little project for me."  

          Nodding tiredly, Bakura brought up his hand to pinch at the bridge of his nose.  He really wasn't in the mood for this.  Apparently half a Twinkie wasn't enough to satisfy his little parasite and it was forcefully demanding more, as well as to get away from Malik.  "Fine, do your little project.  Just piss off and leave me alone for a few days."

          Already getting excited as he began to concoct various schemes to destroy the child, Malik wasn't at all fazed by his dismissal.  Climbing off of the bed, he made his way out without a backwards glance, leaving Bakura to flop back on the bed and put a hand over his eyes.  Pleased with Malik's departure but still less-than-pleased with the lack of Twinkie-intake, the child mentally prodded Bakura.

          Sighing, the fearless Tomb Raider bowed to its wishes, figuring that if he stuffed himself to breaking point with Twinkies it might just leave him alone long enough to get a decent night's sleep later.  At the back of his mind the baby kept nudging him along, making sure that he didn't get distracted on the Great Twinkie Hunt.  

'Persistent little squirt, aren't you?' Bakura thought at it, not quite knowing if it could understand him or not.   He quirked a brow with a wry smile as he left the house, tugging on his shirt as he walked.  'Don't lose that.  Properly nurtured, it'll be a talent."

*~*~*~*

Two days after Malik left, during which Bakura discovered that he not only craved Twinkies but that he was *addicted* to them (well, to be more precise the baby was), there was a rather firm knock on the door.  Before Ryou had the chance to even get up from where he was sat to answer it, the visitor seemingly lost all patience and kicked it open.

"Get your yami here now!" A sharp voice with an irritated undertone called from the doorway.  Ryou's eyes widened when he saw Malik getting shoved through the busted doorway by his taller, far more insane yami who stood behind him menacingly with his arms crossed and his eyes practically on fire.

"Don't you dare order him around; that's my job," Bakura said gruffly as he walked into the hallway from the kitchen after returning from another Twinkie run.  He stopped in surprise when he saw the two Egyptians there.  Malik looked seriously pissed off about something but his yami was obviously the one in charge here.

Yami Malik frowned after a few moments during which everyone remained absolutely motionless and silent.  Prodding his Hikari in the back with his own duplication of the Rod, he crossed his arms and smiled with grim satisfaction as Malik rolled his eyes and got down on one knee.  Bakura's brows shot into his hairline when the blond produced a small black velvet box from his pocket.

"What the hell are you doing?!" he screeched loudly before Malik could open his mouth.

Yami Malik spoke for him though, biting the words out sourly as he stared firmly at Bakura.  "The right thing."

The Tomb Raider crossed his arms and sneered at the other spirit.  "And since when did you get all moral?"

"Since this moron got you pregnant," he snapped back, pointing at Malik who was wisely staying silent although he was still on one knee holding up an open box encasing a plastic yellow smiley-face ring.  "He's got some sort of commitment to you now and he's going to bloody learn to take responsibility.  It's not all maiming and killing in life you know!"

Bakura shook his head slowly in disbelief.  "You're insane."

"Not insane enough apparently," Yami Malik replied quietly, looking back down at his kneeling Hikari wondering at which point he'd been around mortals long enough to bring him down to this level of caring.

"Malik?  Do you seriously mean this?" the Tomb Raider asked pointedly deciding to sort this headache out sooner rather than later.

Still on the floor, Malik sniffed a little and glared.  "No.  He's the one making me do this.  And he made me eat twelve boxes of cereal to get the damn ring."

"So why the fuck are you going along with it?!  I would never marry you, especially with that piece of shit as a proposal," Bakura added indicating to the ring in the box.  "Look, I thought you were busy with your little 'how-to-kill-the-brat' project."  

"You're planning to kill the Pharaoh again?" Yami Malik piped up with interest, ignoring Malik as he stood and shoved the box back into his pocket.  "Why wasn't I informed?"

"No, how to kill the thing Bakura's incubating," Malik corrected sullenly.  He brightened an instant later.  "You can help!"

Bakura rolled his eyes yet again, already walking towards the door to shove them both out of the house and barricade the entrance shut behind them.  "Fine!  Bloody help!  Just sod off and don't you dare pull this on me again."

As Bakura walked off to leave Ryou to fix the door, a feeling of confusion and bewilderment leaked into his mind.  'No, you're not even going to live long enough to have *one* parent so stop being miffed when the other one leaves.  He's a stupid little psycho anyway.'

****

Borath: Show us some lovin'!  Review!  There were many pages here I remind you!


	6. Chapter Six

Borath: Now hasn't this fic come far? We have a plot, some fluff, some comedy and a pool of reviewers. Isn't life peachy? So, continue to throw the roses by R&Ring and Chapter 7 will appear thereafter. 

Pachelbel: Here's an update! Enjoy!! Oh, and review. Or Bakura will *never* get out of this!

  
  


Spawn: Chapter 6

  
  


Two months later and Bakura was definitely getting 'soggy' around the middle. It was no longer a matter of not being able to see his six-pack and having a general 'squidgy-ness'; he was actually *round* now. As in showing round. As in it was getting too obvious too quickly for his liking. Yesterday had hammered that point home pretty damn effectively. 

He'd somehow been roped into socializing by Ryou and had dumped himself in an armchair at Yugi's, both to ease the gnawing ache in his lower back and to crumple his shirt enough to hide his stomach. Everyone was gathered in the living area; Joey, Honda, Anzu, Yami, Yugi and Ryou, all divided up in their own little conversations and extending a verbal link to each other every now and then. It was an odd little ritual, but it was distracting enough to keep his head out of the toilet for a while so Bakura was happy enough to indulge it.

Yugi was playing host, returning from the kitchen with a tray of snacks when Joey started complaining that he was hungry. The baby merrily joined in and Ryou had to hide a smirk as he sensed his yami's discomfort from across the room. And to top it all off, Yugi put down a plate of Twinkies in the center of the table with the sodas and cookies. 

The temptation to pounce on the pile of doughy-goodness was almost too strong to resist, and watching several hands snagging a snack from the pile almost caused Bakura to rip the limbs off and get them back for himself. Oddly enough, the usually peace-loving baby was goading him on. 

However, before he had to resort to anything drastic a Twinkie appeared next to his head. Looking up in confusion, Bakura shifted feeling slightly uncomfortable when he found it was Ryou offering him the morsel. 

"You're welcome," the Hikari smiled before Bakura could speak, putting the Twinkie into his hand and rejoining Yugi and Yami on the sofa opposite him. 

Bakura blinked a few times before downing it in a few mouthfuls, despairing when he discovered that, like most foods he'd sampled, eating just one made him crave a dozen. Powerfully. Mentally scowling at the baby who only sent back the tiniest traces of guilt, Bakura shifted forward on the seat and leant forward towards the tray without a second thought.

Of course this moved his shirt enough for a decent view if one was sat on the floor close-by. Like Joey was.

"Whoa, you slackin' on the weights, Bakura? I haven't seen you this outta shape… Well, *ever*," the blond mused loudly, capturing the attention of everyone in the group. Yami in particular was looking at him with a certain degree of interest.

Apparently not comfortable with the amount of interest it had suddenly attracted, most certainly considering its father's efforts to keep its existence a secret, the baby fell perfectly still, waiting with trepidation. Feeling his face flush ('Ra-damned hormones!'), Bakura jumped to his feet, bearing down menacingly on Joey. "It's the damn Twinkies!" he shouted before storming out with a rather impressive degree of dramatic flare.

Ryou cast a look around the group before following Bakura into the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway when he saw the door slam and Bakura's back retreating quickly down the path, figuring that this one was best left alone. Returning to the group, he excused his yami by stating that Bakura was just having 'one of his episodes' which cut off any unwanted questions.

So now he'd decided to lay low for a few days. Today his plans consisted of lying on the sofa, eating, and watching the collection of DVDs he'd 'liberated' a few days ago. He really felt like shit so it didn't bother him as much as it usually would that he was acting like a rather lazy slug. The baby was certainly happy with today's plans thus far.

Ryou walked in just as Bakura was polishing off his second Twinkie, hand reaching automatically for the third as his other reached for the DVD remote control. "You know, you should really eat some healthier foods. It's not good for the baby to just eat processed things," he advised softly, already preparing to make a run for it if Bakura showed even the slightest signs of getting up and going for him.

"Don't tell me what to do," Bakura snapped back, groaning internally when he felt the baby's mounting excitement at his Hikari's presence. It *really* did like him. Ryou smirked a little when he felt it himself through Bakura. "I didn't know you were so happy to see me."

"I'm not. *It's* happy to see you. It's *always* happy to see you. I can't see why I can't just dump it in your body. That way we'd all be happy," Bakura said with a scowl, sitting up and leaning his weight on his knees tiredly. Closing his eyes for a moment, he mentally tried to soothe the child into calm. It didn't work. He mentally growled at it. The baby found it amusing for a few moments and then went back to being in a frenzied joy over Ryou's presence. 'Sodding thing'.

Sensing that Bakura wasn't in the mood for even *trying* to attack him today, Ryou moved over to the other end of the sofa and sat down, not taking his eyes off of his yami the entire time. The baby was practically bouncing with glee now. "Do you really hate all of this that much?" he asked seriously after a few moments of watching Bakura staring at the coffee table.

"Yes… I think. I don't know! This damn thing is playing with my head and I don't know anymore. I just know that right now it's pissing me off."

Ryou felt inwardly relieved. Whether or not Bakura dismissed it as confusion, he did seem to be more accepting of the baby's presence. "What about Malik? Now that he knows, what are you going to do?"

"Keep praying every night that he gets hit by a wayward dump truck." Bakura leaned back against the cushions of the sofa, resting one fist on his stomach and rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. "Who cares if he knows? As long as he's out of my hair-"

"I always thought…well, Malik insists that you two aren't together, but it seemed like you two were an 'item'. You were always over at his home, or he was over here." Ryou hoped his prodding wasn't just making Bakura angry. He didn't quite feel up to running at the moment, and Bakura didn't look like he could take the strain. Things were going to get interesting in three or four months judging from the degree of fatigue already apparent on Bakura's features.

Bakura shook his head, shrugging slightly. It was a simple arrangement between himself and the other psychotic, one that was apparently too simple for Ryou to grasp effectively. "It was convenient. We wanted the same things; destruction, torture, sex."

"So you really don't like him?" Ryou pressed, frowning slightly as he tried to understand this. It was all very strange to him.

"I hate him. We've always hated each other. Ra willing, we always will." 

Ryou couldn't help but doubt the honesty those words were supposed to have, but knew that Bakura would never admit anything different than what he said. The same went for Malik. But he still couldn't see how everything could stay the same and things not get very insane and very messy. 

He wanted to help his yami with this even though that help would likely be rejected in a rage of Technicolor violence and pride. But he didn't exactly have experience in this matter. He did know someone who did though. So he kneaded his hands nervously as he went on: "You know, Yami Yugi and Kaiba were sort of the same. I mean, similar, by hating each other."

"Yeah. Except that Kaiba doesn't belong in an institution," Bakura pointed out, snatching another Twinkie and resettling himself against the cushions. His eyes were still on Ryou, mildly curious as to where his hikari was taking this. And the baby demanded he give this *wonderful creature* his full attention. 'Guess who's gonna be your babysitter if you continue to exist long enough?'

"I'm not saying that you should get together with Malik; not if you two can't get along, and it doesn't seem like you do." Ryou frowned, trying to grasp the words. "What I'm trying to tell you is that Yami Yugi knows what it's like to…well, to be faced with single parenthood. And to have the other parent behave like a complete ass."

The yami eyed Ryou, pleased with the uncharacteristic bad mouthing he was hearing. It was so fulfilling to know that he was finally having a positive effect on the soft-spoken teen. He might have to be a little nicer to him if he kept talking like that. He'd been trying to force his lighter half into having some grit last year in an admittedly aggressive manner, more aggressive than he'd been in the time running up to then at least. He'd stopped when he and Yami had ended up rolling down the hill resulting in something that he, very uncharacteristically, didn't want to think about. Not now anyway, not since he was no in pretty much the same situation. 

For the last few months though he'd treated Ryou marginally better; he left weaponry out of it completely for a start and had a tighter reign on his temper. This pregnancy thing was also draining his energy and distracting his mind so his hikari was a lot safer now than before.

But back to said hikari wanting him to turn to a nemesis for advice. 

"So you want me to go talk to the Pharaoh," Bakura stated slowly, cocking an eyebrow slightly. The baby became ecstatic. 'The bloody Pharaoh, not Yugi,' he sent, hoping to calm the squirt before it became too much of a nuisance. Again.

Ryou nodded firmly. "If anyone can understand what's happening to you, he can."

  
  


*~*~*

  
  


"Bakura?! Why are you here?" Yami asked with a frown as he opened the door fully, moving to stand in the entranceway between the Tomb Raider and the inside of the house.

Swallowing his pride, Bakura said the words that he'd been building up the courage to speak all the way over here. Hell, it had taken half an hour to leave the damn house because of these words. "I need your help."

It was simply the look on the spirit's face that allowed Yami to restrain himself from laughing or delivering a sarcastic comment at that. Sensing that he was sincere, the Game King stepped aside leaving the invitation to enter open as he walked into the living area. Bakura followed after a moment's hesitation, making a point *not* to wipe his feet as he closed the door behind him.

Glancing around as he followed through to where Yami had sat in an armchair, he noted that they seemed to be entirely alone. "Where're your kids?" he asked curiously, wondering if Yami had set up some sort of play-pen in the Shadow Realm that he could use. It was an idea actually; could stick a Kuribo in there for them to play with and get a Magician or Warrior to keep an eye on them and make sure they didn't get eaten by something.

"Kiara's at playschool and Mokuba has Kiseki," Yami replied smoothly, curious as to Bakura's seemingly sudden interest in his children. He idly hoped that this wasn't a prelude to some sort of kidnapping scheme because there would be Hell to pay. It would be something to do though, at least to entertain in his head. If he watched one more damn Soap Opera he was going to put the contents of the kitchen through the television. Even the spoons.

"And what about…the other one? Kiseki's twin?" Bakura asked hesitantly. He'd wondered about it more than once, knowing that Tetsuo had done something before they all went to Egypt to fix the Puzzle, but he had been -and still was- nervous to broach the subject with the Pharaoh knowing that it was something of a painfully sore spot. Particularly since it was his fault that it had happened.

Yami's hands twitched as if he were about to clench them into fists as he looked down and took a deep breath. "In the Shadow Realm. As far as I can see there isn't enough for a personality or anything like it, but she's tied to Kiseki and until he's older we won't know for sure. If she's a conscious entity then I plan on working with Tetsuo to allow her to form apart from Kiseki like we do. If not, we'll leave her alone." 

"She's not dead then?"

"Not in every sense of the word, no." Unsure of why he had told the Tomb Raider any of that and not willing to say anymore, Yami shook his head slightly and leant forward in the chair, looking up to where Bakura still remained standing. A brief image of Bakura hitting Ryou, and the after math of trying to stop that beating, surfaced from Yami's memories spawned by his earlier words. "How is Ryou?"

"Fine. Bloody fantastic. Better than ever." Bakura tried to ignore the interrogative glare Yami was sending his direction, but that only resulted in silence. "I've been too busy to really notice him. And he buys me Saltines."

"So things between you two are…" Yami considered his words. "Less violent?"

Bakura snorted. "Things are *non*-violent. Weren't you listening? He buys me *Saltines*."

Yami nodded a little in satisfaction. It wasn't quite the answer that he wanted to hear, but then again nothing that Bakura did or said was what he wanted. "What exactly was it that you wanted my help with?"

Shuffling his feet a little, Bakura took a breath before answering. "I kind of got myself pregnant," he admitted stiffly.

Yami blinked at that in surprise before waiting in silence for a few moments for the punch line. When it became obvious that there was none, he motioned for Bakura to sit and fumbled for where to start. "Okay, um… How, may I ask?"

"Spell. It was an accident," Bakura replied, deciding that it was a good idea not to mention that the plan had been to get Yami with it when he was asking for his assistance.

Nodding, Yami cottoned onto what he believed Bakura was going to ask him next. "And you want my help in getting rid of it, right? Well, you can go bug someone else because I don't kill infants," he stated firmly, narrowing his eyes slightly to demonstrate that there was no room there to broach an argument.

"No, you stupid fern-head! I want your help in getting through the next seven months alive! I don't know what the Hell I'm doing and you've done this twice now so I figured you could give me some advice," Bakura snapped back sharply, stepping forward angry steps until he was toe-to-toe with the sitting spirit. 

It was instinct that had pushed him to move into a position of intimidation, his shadow cast by the large window behind him enveloping Yami in darkness although the other sat unimpressed. He looked curious if anything. 

Totally contradicting the air of menace he was *trying* t project, feelings of happiness and gratitude seeped into Bakura's mind as the baby sensed further confirmation that it was no longer going to be completely rejected and killed.

Yami's face held something close to disbelief. "You want to keep it?"

Feeling that his pride was at stake, Bakura backed off to sit in the seat opposite Yami, glowering as he spoke the oft-used phrase: "I don't have a choice."

Yami nodded a little, perceiving that Bakura had simply not been *able* to kill it. The thought that he might actually be attached to it didn't enter his mind for a moment. "I take it that you've already tried, and failed, to abort this pregnancy then, tot that you've been to a doctor, I gather. What did you try? A counter-spell?"

Bakura sighed. "No. Heavy drinking, riding with Malik around town, and…well, it doesn't matter."

Yami decided to get back to the subject at hand. For whatever reason, Bakura *had* come to him for help, and considering the animosity between them that was no mean feat. Bakura genuinely wanted his help but it was purely because of the fact that no one else had experienced these circumstances other than him. However, regardless of any resentment between them, the baby didn't deserve to be punished because of its father. 

Resigning himself to explaining the finer points of getting out of a bath at nine months and how baby monitors are not just good for use as walkie-talkies, Yami bridged his hands as he lent back in the chair. "How far along are you?"

"Three months and six days." Bakura frowned at his precision, adding, "Or so," lamely to reaffirm his masculinity.

Yami smirked openly at him at that. "Does Ryou know?"

"Yes. Surprisingly. I still don't know how he found out." Bakura had stood now and began pacing back and forth. "And Malik knows. And now you do."

The Game King's eyes widened rapidly. "Why did you tell *Malik* or all people?"

Turning on his heel to face Yami directly Bakura snapped his answer back indignantly. "I didn't! He just…knew! Between him and Ryou, I could make a bloody fortune on the Psychic Network!" He took a few deep breaths through his teeth to get himself to calm down after that outburst. 'Bloody hormones. Now I get why the Pharaoh was so touchy'.

Sensing Bakura's frustration, the baby sent an odd emotion along their bond, a mix between worry and comfort. Again, his hand took up a mind of its own and gently touched his slightly rounded abdomen, appreciating the gesture of concern.

Yami chose not to draw attention to this action, doubting that Bakura was doing it consciously. "What spell were you doing? I've never even heard of one that could cause a male to become pregnant, aside from the one that I had, which was a fluke." He didn't figure the pregnancy with Kiara counted, as he was technically female when conception occurred.

"Malik knows a lot of spells we didn't have back in our day." Bakura closed his eyes and reluctantly sat back down, bringing his hand up to pinch at the bridge of his nose in an attempt to ward off the oncoming headache. Dropping his hands, he rested his forearms on his thighs and stared intently at the other spirit. "I told you, it was an accident. The bastard didn't warn me not to drink the potion-thing."

Deciding it was probably too far a leap of logic to try to understand what Malik was doing with a pregnancy spell, Yami didn't question further about it figuring it safer to stay within an area that he was at least familiar with. He couldn't be sure that Bakura's condition was the same as his own, so it would be helpful to first find out what he could help with before figuring out the rest. "Have you had odd cravings? Aches or pains? Morning or evening sickness?"

Bakura's lip curled, a comical sign of disgust. "Twinkies. The little brat loves *Twinkies*. Yes, my back is twisted or something all the bloody time, but the sickness isn't as bad now, thank Ra. I swear: if I don't spend another night retching my guts up, I'll die happy. Beer seems to keep the little sod sated at night; it doesn't like spirits too much but brews keep it quiet when I'm trying to sleep."

Yami stared at the Tomb robber, brow furrowed in contemplation as his mouth hung slightly open, hesitant to pose his next question. "I'm almost afraid to ask this, but am I to understand your diet includes Twinkies, alcohol, and Saltine crackers?"

Bakura nodded idly with a small shrug, not seeing anything wrong with it personally. "Mostly. Ryou fixed some spaghetti the other day, but my leech doesn't particularly like anything health related."

The spirit's nose crinkled as he frowned. "Leech. What is that, a term of affection?"

"Look, if you're going to criticize everything I do, I'll just leave now." Those were bold words spoken with strength and conviction, a firm display of his assumed authority. Except that he made no move to get up. At all. In fact he was finding the chair despicably comfortable.

Yami studied him for a few moments, tipping his head to the side as he asked his next question with sincere curiosity. "What are you going to do when it's born?"

"I don't know, probably check myself into the loony bin. Why do you think I'm here? I don't like you and I don't want your sympathy or any of that shit. I want advice on what I'm going to do when it's born because you were faced with all this single-parent crap before and you being you, I'm gonna bet that you had it all planned out," Bakura stated firmly, pointing a firm finger at the other as he smirked.

Yami smiled slightly, cocking a brow. "Really? Is that right?" Standing, he moved to stand over Bakura just as he had a few moments ago, crossing his arms and glowering down at him with the smile still eerily in place. He'd stopped driving people insane when they cheated a long time ago, but at that moment he looked quite capable of doing it again. 

"You honestly thought that I knew what I was doing? I was scared to death! It'd never even entered my head that I'd ever have to face anything like it so I didn't even know where to begin when I found out what happened. The best I could do was get on with my life and trust my friends and family for support. You've done a bang-up job of alienating pretty much everyone around you so in that respect, you've got some problems, and as for the simple, straightforward solution that you seem to believe exists and I have; there is no way in Hell that it's going to be that easy. I'll do what I can for you, Ra help me, but for the most part you're just going to have to deal with this."

Bakura sat in stony silence staring up at Yami unflinchingly. The baby was a little shaken by the intensity it had just sensed, the mental bond quivering whilst Bakura tried to send back a feeling of reassurance. After a few minutes of standoff, feeling that he'd calmed it as much as possible, he blinked and said, "I don't like your tone."

Yami whirled away from him, returning to his seat but not sitting. "Are you taking this seriously? This is a *baby*. It's going to rely on you, it's going to be hard and like it or not you're going to need help."

"Why the Hell do you think I'm here? To invite you out to pick daises and braid each other's hair?" The baby started squirming again as it felt the growing tension between the two spirits, anxiety pouring down the bond.

"I think you came here because you're scared."

Bakura smiled smugly, for once knowing with certainty that Yami was wrong. "Nope. Ryou said it was a good idea, and I agreed with him. Look, I don't know what I'm doing. I've screwed up a lot of things in the past and I don't particularly want to make a mess of this. Can't you just do something to make this easier?"

Yami remained perfectly still, staring at him with a stoically measuring gaze before nodding in assent. "Alright, I'll help you. But you have to swear that you'll do two things for me."

"Like what?"

"Swear it."

"How the bloody hell am I supposed to if I don't know what they are?! Ra, you're an idiot."

Rolling his eyes, Yami ticked off his conditions on his fingers. "First, you'll listen to what I say without spinning off into a tantrum-"

"I do *not* have tantrums!"

Ignoring the outburst, Yami continued. "And secondly, you'll leave Ryou alone. That means no threats as well as no violence. If I find out he's bruised, you're on your own as well as in the Shadow Realm."

Bakura glared at the terms and chewed his bottom lip irritably. Finally, he growled out a grudging, "Fine", before glaring viciously at the hand Yami extended to him. At Yami's firm stare, he took it and squeezed it hard as they shook once, snapping his hand back to himself instantly. 

"Good. Now, follow me into the kitchen and I'll point out all the things you shouldn't take unless you want to seriously harm or kill your child," Yami instructed, already walking towards the kitchen.

Following, Bakura piped up, "Is alcohol one of the things you'll be pointing out?"

"Yes."

"Damnit."

****


	7. Chapter Seven

Pachelbel: Well…here's Chapter Seven! *Looks at Borath* You think they're still enjoying it? Maybe they want some action! Hehe… fight scene ahead for people who love violence! (Like me…!)  Let's see…Ooh, you guys will love that other part! Oh! Cliff hanger-ish ending! Do we have YAMI YUGI fans??? *Continues hyping up Chapter Seven, due to extended amounts of time around Uncle Blake who is a salesman*

Borath: (Looks at Pachelbel dubiously) Yeah kids; I'm scared too, although hype is always good.  From the looks of it this ficlet it still remaining pretty much enjoyed.  The lovely reviewers haven't been addressed properly yet so I have taken it upon myself to do the admin.  What can I say?  I was bored and there were so freakin' many!!

Okay, reviewers:

Goddess of Anime wins the award for strangest as well as longest review.  Um, this is a 'semi-sequel' because here are so many sequels flying around now to 'Game Queen' that neither of us wanted 'Spawn' to be the official sequel (and thus the 'sequel').  I'm planning to do that one myself some time in the future.  This is supposed to be a bit random and insane because it's *us* writing.  This is our first little diddy together and we're just out for fun.  Spelling and grammar mistakes?  Didn't I tell anyone who pointed those out where to go in every chapter of 'Game Queen'?  Yeah, same thing applies to this one.  It may not be perfect but it's readable so don't anyone else start quibbling.  To error is human, blah blah blah.  Anything you didn't catch will either be explained in the next few chapters or you simply misinterpreted.

Moving on.

General High Thanks go to: Tine and Cheeko (for reviewing at all apparently), Lfangor (for all the effort she put into even getting to the fic), Charcoal Cat (for both praise and honest criticism), Blue September (for showing merry excitement), Logo (for encouraging further pain and insanity.  Praise too ^^) and Christina (for simple praise.  Gotta love that).

Phew.  Not doing that again for a while.  So yeah, read on and we hope you enjoy!  Mucho fluff on the way.  ;p

          *~*~*

Ryou sprinkled grated Parmesan cheese into the saucepan simmering on the stove.  He heard Bakura flipping through channels in the next room, swearing vehemently about the number and length of ads on television 'nowadays'.

          Ryou looked back at the list of minerals and vitamins pregnant women were supposed to take.  Iron, calcium, folic acid, vitamin C.  Knowing that Bakura would not take all these things willingly, Yami had phoned him the list and wished him luck with it.  The hikari had a feeling that if Bakura found out that he was filling him with these things without him knowing, he would need all the luck he could get.  As it was his yami had gotten more than a little temperamental over the last two days since visiting Yami.  It seemed that resigning himself to his fate had made every ache and pain running through his body a thousand times worse.

Sighing as he thought this over, Ryou grabbed a chair and pushed it under the medicine cabinet on the opposite side of the kitchen.  He found that Twinkie and Saltine boxes were crammed tightly onto the lowest shelf, for easy reach presumably.  "Yami!" Ryou cried, exasperated, and more than a little nervous that he would shortly have a cardboard avalanche on his hands.

          He carefully reached up to the top shelf, where dozens of little vitamin bottles had been tucked away from sight.  He chose the supplements that Bakura needed for the day and climbed down, gently shutting the cabinet after he'd landed.

          After crushing the capsules under the flat edge of a butter knife, he put the powders into the different pots holding Bakura's soon-to-be meal.  He then checked on Bakura's steak, which was raw but defrosted, just the way the yami liked it.  This was one of those few moments where he wished that Bakura were more like Malik, who had sworn off meat of any description.  

          Satisfied, Ryou mixed the ingredients on the stovetop together and sampled.  It was delicious, tangy, warm, and just right to compliment Bakura's blood-hungry appetite.  If the powders had altered the flavor at all, then it was for the better.  He took the red meat and poured the sauce over it.

          "Lunch is ready," he said, carrying the plate out to Bakura, who was lazily stretched out on the sofa.  He was balancing a water bottle on his fairly rounded stomach.  

Ryou stepped to the corner of the other's vision.  "I…made your favorite," he spoke softly, placing it down onto the low table.  Looking to him when he got no response, he smiled when he saw that his yami was sound asleep.  The fact that the bottle was still upright on him was something of an achievement then; Bakura tended to sleep like a windmill, unless he was exhausted that was then he slept like the dead.  

After a moment's deliberation, Ryou decided that sleep was more important than food at this exact moment and picked up the plate to put it in he fridge for later.  As an afterthought, he took the bottle off of Bakura's stomach and screwed the lid onto it before replacing it.  No sense in him getting wet when he woke up later.

*~*~*

Pain was the first thing that registered, an ache that ran up and down the length of his spine congregating at the base and spreading up around his neck.  Opening his eyes, Bakura groaned in agitated dismay when he realized that he couldn't actually move.  He'd been in the same position for far too long, something that he certainly had not planned.

Bloody hikari.

"Damnit, Ryou!" he shouted after trying again to at least sit up, a futile effort.  At least the baby was happy.  His long period of stillness had sent it into a quiet, drifting state with obvious contentment.  

Ryou all but sprinted into the room at the call, standing in front of Bakura, mildly surprised that he was still there.  It had been three hours since he last checked on him and he'd assumed that his yami had gotten up some time ago.  Apparently not.

"Why didn't you wake me?" Bakura bit out with a glare, squirming slightly as he tried to get the most painful vertebrae into a better position.  It took a bit of effort before it no longer felt like it was on fire and merely a smoldering ache.  

"You looked tired.  I-I didn't want to disturb you," Ryou replied trying to plead his case.  

The baby had come out of La-La land now, apparently having picked up on Ryou yet again.  This was proving to be a very long day and it was only just noon.  No, it was noon the last time he looked before he nodded off, so…  By Ra he'd become one of those people he hated; he'd slept for most of the damn day!

Not feeling up to an argument, Bakura mentally logged away this as an excuse to do something wretched to his 'Helpful Hikari' later.  Shaking his head, he unfolded his arms from across his chest to give off a slightly less threatening visage.  Not that he was exactly threatening at the moment, but he was happy in his denial so screw appearances.

"Whatever, just forget it.  My back's seized up now, thank you very much, and I don't want to be lying here next week."  Bakura left the rest out, not willing to admit that he needed help.

Knowing what he was being asked to do, Ryou reached out to take off the bottle that was, by some miracle, still balancing on Bakura's stomach.  He froze when Bakura jerked suddenly and snatched out to grab his wrist.  

"What is it?" he asked with concern, watching patiently when he saw that Bakura wasn't paying attention to him.  In fact he seemed to be listening to something, staring at his stomach intently.

The neck of the bottle still in Ryou's fist, Bakura waved his Hikari's hand over his abdomen before making a pitiful sound and all but shoving him away.  "That's settled; I'm throwing you out of the house when it starts kicking.  I'd rather not have it beating the Hell out of my innards every time you breathe."

That had Ryou lost.  "What?"

Bakura glared up at him as if it were all his fault.  "It's bigger now and not only does it get all happy when you're near, but it starts jumping around when you get too close."

Putting the bottle down, Ryou took hold of Bakura's forearm and started to pull him into a sitting position.  "That's impossible.  I doubt it *can* move, let alone you being able to feel it.  You might just be imagining it."

          Twisting to get his legs over the edge of the sofa, Bakura put a hand to his back and tried to work out the ache with his fingers.  "Perhaps, but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to feel it when it *really* starts moving."  Knowing that it was being talked about, the baby decided that it had been too long since its father had eaten and started prodding for food.  Bakura only saw it as a distraction that he could indulge.

Ryou backed away as he finally stood, hissing slightly with a grimace as he did so and starting to make his way into the kitchen.    He watched him retreat sympathetically.  "Maybe you should lie down for a while, on something more comfortable I mean," the hikari offered quietly.

Bakura turned to face him, looking genuinely surprised, his weight resting through his hand on the doorway, consequently taking some of the pressure off of his spine.  "You know, you'll never cease to amaze me with your stupidity."

Not bothering to wait for a reply, he stepped into the kitchen to get a glass of water before he started foraging for something to eat.  Whatever was readily available in the fridge sounded good enough.  The smell from he pot of soup was simmering on the stove caught his attention before he could open the door, obviously Ryou's intended supper.  Well, it was in the house and therefore fair game.  The smell was faint enough that he hadn't noticed it from the living room, but tantalizing enough that for once he and the baby agreed that this would be a good thing to eat.

He grabbed a bowl from the cupboard, and began filling it with the thick red--ugh, it was *tomato*.  Bakura almost dumped the contents of the bowl into the sink, but a trickle of curiosity came through into his mind.

"You won't like it," he grumbled, hoping that he was right as he seriously did not want to even taste this.  The baby wasn't to be deterred, though.  Having picked up on something of interest, it's feelings become more adamant to the point where Bakura *had* to give in.  The ache in his back took away his will to fight with Ryou, so it wasn't too much of a stretch to believe that he had no chance against his own child.

Returning to the cupboard, he grabbed a handful of Saltines and crushed them into the goop to make the contents of the bowl more palatable.  "With any luck you'll hate this as much as I do."  First Twinkies and now tomato soup.  Ra, he was getting too soft for his own good.  

Bakura stopped moving when he felt hands firmly but gently rubbing his sore back.  The pain slowly melted away into the soothing, rhythmic circles…. He turned, determined to see who this was before he started purring.

Malik smiled lazily at him.  "Who are you talking to?"

Again the odd sensations of distrust and longing for the other 'father' filtered to him from the child.  Swallowing hard against the anxious feeling *he* was suddenly struck with, Bakura answered, "No one."

Malik pulled him away from the stove and pushed him against the fridge, arms still looped in a loose embrace around Bakura's waist as he stepped up against him.  "Good news! I did it!"

Sincerely hoping it wasn't what he thought it was, Bakura asked, "You skinned a dog?"

Malik's nose wrinkled.  "No."

"Blew up the ducks?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"  Malik lightly smacked Bakura's forehead, something the Tomb robber did not particularly like.  "I found a spell to reverse your idiotic mistake.  We're saved! We can screw again!"  He glanced at Bakura's stomach.  "And you can stop looking like a flunky from plumber's school."

"I'm *not* going to 'screw' with you after that remark," Bakura snapped, wrenching away from the Egyptian.

Malik shrugged.  "I don't really want to bed you while you're so…flabby, anyway.  It'd probably kill you."

Bakura's glare turned deadly.  "Get out."

Ignoring the order, Malik held up a bottle of liquid, blue of course.  "Less talk, more spell-casting.  Here's the potion; I did the rest already, so drink up and breathe the free air!"

A general panic burned its way through Bakura's mind, and he hated to think that it might not be the baby's alone.  He turned his face away from the offered liquid just in case Malik lost his already meager patience and tried forcing it down his throat, bottle and all.  "No.  I mean it.  Get out."

Malik's lavender eyes narrowed with suspicion.  "What do you mean? Drink it!"  He grabbed Bakura as the paler spirit tried to step away from him, turned him around sharply and pinning him to the fridge with more force.  "Are you trying to *keep* him?"  

Bakura's eyes widened at that, easily picking up on Malik's utter disbelief of the statement.  He had never thought of the child in terms of 'him' or 'her'.  It had been easier when he'd tried to rid himself of the pregnancy to call the baby 'it', or something a little more colourful when the mood took him.  Malik's callousness shouldn't have been a shock, but because it was directed towards something inside of Bakura that the two of them had unwittingly created, it was deeply unsettling.  

Bakura's fist flew backwards across Malik's jaw and the blond was knocked away from the spirit, his hold on him broken.  Yami Malik was out in an instant, and he naturally went straight for the knife drawer.  He seemed to have an internal magnet that directed him to blades; he had never before seen where they were kept in this house.

The first movement of the blade neatly sliced open Bakura's shoulder.  He ducked away from the next strike, grateful that he was still at least fast enough to protect himself.  He landed a hard blow to Yami Malik's ribs, then kicked the heel of his foot into the back of the other yami's knee, sending him down.

Halfway through the fall, Yami Malik lashed out sideways and narrowly missed burying the knife into Bakura's thigh.  Bakura took the opportunity whilst Yami Malik's arm was outstretched to get the weapon.  He grabbed his opponent's wrist, securely closing his fingers in a tight grip to ensure that the knife wouldn't be dropped until he wanted it to be.

Yami Malik only tightened his fist around the handle.  With his free hand, he grabbed the loose cloth at the inside of Bakura's thigh and gave it a sharp pull, hauling him backwards and sending him rolling head first into the wall.  However, this pulled Yami Malik with him, and Bakura's shoulder landed hard on their clasped hands, causing both to lose their grip.

Ryou rushed in having heard the commotion, freezing at the sight before him with no idea as to what to do.  Staring in horror, he settled for shouting, "Yami!  Malik, don't! He's pregnant!"

Not even glancing at the teen, Yami Malik scrambled for the knife.  Bakura grabbed it first with his top hand, and forced it deep into the Egyptian's shoulder.  Well, as deep as he could, given his awkward position.

"Something that can be easily fixed, I assure you," Yami Malik growled at Ryou as he twisted his body sharply, forcing Bakura to release the blade but opening the wound even more in the process.  Pulling it out, he backhanded the spirit beneath him to daze him before raising the knife, fully intending to puncture Bakura's stomach.

He would have done it too, had a boiling hot saucepan not smashed into his head from behind.  Having about enough time to register the colours that flashed in his vision, and the fact that the pot itself had been thrown at him by a pull of magic suspiciously originating from Bakura's stomach, he blacked out, returning to the Rod and leaving Malik slumped unconscious on the floor over Bakura's chest.

Bakura shoved the dead weight off of him to get a breath into his body, closing his eyes to make sure that the scuffle hadn't done any damage to the baby.  The amount of relief he felt when he found it unharmed caught him off guard, putting a hand over his stomach as he tried to sooth away the frantic barrage that was slamming into his mind.  He felt another hand move over his and he snapped open his eyes in response.

Seeing Ryou watching his anxiously, he muttered a quite 'thanks' before using the wall behind him to get up, although he did not entirely refuse the help his hikari was offering him.  Straightening, he almost laughed to feel that the brief fight had actually gotten rid of some of the kinks in his spine, although the wound in his shoulder was throbbing terribly.  Sending some of the Ring's energy to numb the wound and close it, he looked down at the body sprawled on the floor.

The phone started ringing before he could finish contemplating what *exactly* to do with Malik.  Glancing at Ryou as he walked off to answer it, Bakura gave his instructions.  He knew he couldn't exactly lift the teen with his shoulder like this so it was going to have to be Ryou handling all the fun.  "Dump that outside with the trash and shove that damn bottle up his nose or something."

Leaving Ryou to it, Bakura picked up the phone and held it between his shoulder and ear as he used his hands to pick out the shredded cloth from the wound so that it didn't heal with the material inside of it.  "What?"

"Bakura?  I need a favor."  It was undoubtedly Yami's voice and Bakura could only groan in exasperation.  Yami had said that he would phone to arrange a 'meeting' for them to continue what they had started before.  Now was just a *dandy* time for it too.

"Well, you can go somewhere else for it because I've got my own problems, namely Malik trying to kill junior here."

"What?  Are you alright?"

"Fine, Ryou's dumping him outside now.  What did you want again?"

He could practically hear the Game King's headache in his words.  "I need someone to look after Kiara and Kiseki tomorrow. I thought it would be good for you considering."

"You are *not* leaving me alone with them.  No way."

"You won't be alone, I'll be there.  I just can't get up at the moment."

Bakura brought a bloodied hand to his face at that, groaning a little.  "Look Pharaoh, I *never* wanted to know about your escapades with Kaiba before and I don't want to now."

There was a growl of irritation down the line.  "No, you stupid Tomb Raider.  Kiara threw a tantrum this morning and sent part of the Dueling Arena into my legs.  Seto is flying to a country I can't pronounce the name of tonight, and both Mokuba and Yugi are sick.  I wouldn't trust Joey when she's wielding Shadow Magic like this because she doesn't like him anyway.  You're the only one who can handle her at the moment."

Bakura frowned a little, although he was quite enjoying being Yami's 'only hope' right now.  "Why don't you just fix yourself with the Puzzle."

"I already said that Yugi and Mokuba were sick.  What do you think it's doing right now?  Look, just come over tomorrow.  You don't even have to consider it a favour; just think of it as practice for a few months' time."

Weighing it up in his mind, Bakura decided that he'd rather not have to put up with Malik trying to pull another stunt like he did just now tomorrow, particularly now that the Egyptian was going to be even more pissed as they had pretty much broken up now.  It *would* be a good bit of practice that he would sorely needed, and it would put Yami in his debt which was always good.

"Fine.  I'll be there at Eight."

*~*~*

Borath: Ah, the joys of baby-sitting. Someone may die next chapter.  Any bets?  Review please and bring us joy.  ^^


	8. Chapter Eight

Borath: Hey there! Can't be bothered with individual responses to all those lovely reviews, so we'll just say a general 'thanks' to all of you lovely people. Keep it up! Um, the delay for this one is mostly my fault. So 'surprise! We're not dead!'. Read and review. Leave praise, chocolate and shiny things. ^^  
  
Pachelbel: Well, here it is! I think the late posting is actually mostly *my* fault..  
  
Spawn: Chapter 8  
  
Seto Kaiba's house-or estate, manor, mansion, whatever-was a long walk from the Bakura home, a *very* long walk for someone who'd gained a few pounds and was reluctant to go there in the first place. But it was a pleasant day, cloudy and warm with no chance of rain, so Bakura didn't grumble. Much. His lower back was still aching where he was certain the baby had carved itself a little niche in his spine. And then kicking it. It was a very active creature when someone it had decided it liked (ie; a weak, pathetic mortal) was around.  
  
Bakura had also recently discovered, much to his irritated amusement, that the child loved ducks almost as much as it liked Yugi; and that it was scared of dogs. Even measly Chihuahuas. So the two Dobermans roaming the grounds at the Kaiba house made it go ballistic, squirming and kicking and sending fuzzy, hot lines of panic straight down their bond.  
  
The dogs snarled and barked, forming a vicious blockade across the gravel path a few feet infront of him/them and making passage to the front door almost impossible.  
  
Not overly fond of guard dogs himself, Bakura paused and stared coldly at the snapping jaws ahead of him. The animals continued to raise their hackles threateningly, completely undaunted by the spirit's posturing. Slowly, after a moment of thought, he knelt down and picked up two of the fist sized decorative rocks that lined the sidewalk.  
  
He straightened, patiently tracked the nearest dog, and threw the rock. It hit neatly between the animal's eyes, and the dog went down without so much as a whimper. The second dog hesitated; the baby squirmed; Bakura knocked Dog Number Two out as well. The baby responded with loving, grateful waves of admiration.  
  
He hadn't noticed little Kiara Kaiba standing on the porch up until now and shoved his hands into his pockets in a feigned attempt at innocence. She *did* have Shadow Magic and a temper. Her mouth was open and her eyes as wide as dinner plates. "What?" Bakura growled.  
  
"Doggies.?"  
  
"They're sleeping." Yeah. Kids always took that as an excuse, didn't they?  
  
Kiara eyed the dogs and was only satisfied when she saw them breathing. Tottering up to him after a moment, she turned her bright, red eyes up to him. "Are you the babysitter?"  
  
"Yeah," he replied already feeling a headache coming on. At least this was going well so far. She hadn't started screaming or summoning yet. Actually Yami hadn't confirmed or denied that his daughter could do that. He crossed his fingers and hoped that telekinesis was the only thing he'd have to worry about today.  
  
Lost in his own thoughts, Bakura naturally jumped and backed away when Kiara reached up and put a small hand on his stomach.  
  
"Ohh.a baby." she breathed seemingly mesmerized, then pressed her ear up against him. "Hello, baby."  
  
Bakura wasn't entirely comfortable with this, but didn't know how to react. The first reaction that had sprung into his mind was not only ridiculously protective, but a sure way to get himself skinned by the Pharaoh. Still, there had to be a way to distract the kid. The fuzzy feelings he and "Junior" were getting from Kiara weren't exactly something he was used to.  
  
Before he had to think of an overly complicated scheme, Kiara pulled back and grinned. "You should name her 'Fizgit'," she announced proudly.  
  
Bakura decided not to dwell on the 'her' in the child's previous sentence. Malik had dubbed it a 'he', and now this. What was it then? He didn't want to speculate on it being both. Better to stick with 'it' and other pet names.  
  
"I think it wants to be called 'Twinkie'," Bakura groused more to himself than to his little listener. "Or 'Cavity'."  
  
Kiara giggled, then grasped his hand and pulled him inside. Reaching behind to shut the door behind him, he blinked when he saw it swing shut before he could touch it. Looking down to Kiara just in time to see the Eye of Horus fading from her forehead, he knew that he was in for an interesting time today.  
  
He didn't know what he was supposed to do with the tyke or her little brother for the vast part of the day, and there was no shame in seeking advice. Glancing around the cavernous hallway, he realized that he was going to need some help in even *finding* Kiseki. Exhaling heavily, Bakura bit on his bottom lip and looked back down at his charge.  
  
"Where's your dad?"  
  
"On a airplane," she replied smoothly.  
  
Bakura rolled his eyes. "No, your other dad."  
  
Frowning, Kiara bought a hand to her face and stuck a diminutive finger in her mouth as she thought. "Dad's on a airplane. Papa's upstairs though!"  
  
'Well that's one way to deal with two fathers' Bakura mused as he nodded slightly, allowing his hand to be taken and dragged towards the double spiraling staircases by the toddler. Walking up a ridiculous number of stairs and down a stupidly long corridor, he finally found himself stopping at heavy oak doors. Kiara opened them without actually touching them, leaving him in the doorway and she scurried towards the bed and leaped into her father's arms.  
  
Propped up against numerous pillows, Yami waited for her to curl up against his chest over the thick covers before wrapping his arms around her and looking to Bakura. "Thanks for coming. To be honest I wasn't too sure that you would."  
  
"Yeah well, need to get some experience in, don't I? I'll call you for this one eventually," he replied gruffly, glancing about the room before returning his eyes to the bed. Kiseki was curled up against Yami's side sleeping peacefully and Kiara had fallen quiet too. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. "Really buggered your legs up haven't you?"  
  
Yami scowled lightly at the reminder that he certainly didn't need. "Yes, but I'll be fine by the morning so you don't have to worry about doing this again any time soon."  
  
Reminded of why he had come up here, Bakura took a few steps into the room. "What exactly am I supposed to do with them all day by the way?"  
  
The Game King shrugged a little, already shifting Kiara about to pick her up and hand her over. "Just keep them both amused. Television, toys, there're some films they'll both watch quite happily. Just stay in the house though, and if you harm either of them, I will take off your head and put it so far down your throat that you'll need an enema to brush your teeth," he finished lightly, although the threat was very real.  
  
Confused now, Bakura cocked his head to the side and crinkled his nose. "If you don't trust me then why the Hell are you letting me watch your kids?"  
  
"Because I trust Malik less and you need Shadow Magic or to be a parent to look after Kiara when she's this temperamental. And there's the fact that my daughter is quite capable of putting you through a wall if you do anything inappropriate," Yami replied reasonably, showing the utmost faith in his child's powers. It was true; Bakura was a risky choice, but it was the only option he had at the moment.  
  
Grinning wolfishly, Bakura strode over to the bed and plucked Kiara up from the folds of the deep fabric. "Fine then." Holding her against his chest, he began towards the door only to stop at Yami calling out to him.  
  
Nudging Kiara off of the bed, Yami watched her go to Bakura's side and clutch a handful of the fabric of his trousers before saying dryly, "I have two children, and I'd appreciate it if you returned them *both* to me later."  
  
*~*~*  
  
Stumped for what to do first, Bakura had sought out and stuck on the longest film he could find: 'The Lord of the Rings'. Perhaps the content wasn't quite suitable for the kids, but he figured that they could just close their eyes at those bits. Unfortunately he hadn't accounted for the fact that the plot was a bit too complicated for pre-schooler's and Kiara was too old to simply let it go over her head without a fight.  
  
This lead to a wonderful series of questions that went on continuously from minute one. To top it off, Bakura had practically encouraged it by showing some knowledge of the film, his reward for watching it thirteen times out of sheer boredom and backache.  
  
"Who's that?" she asked about the same character for the twelfth time.  
  
"Legolas," replied Bakura tiredly, taking small comfort in the fact that Kiseki had gone to sleep against his side out of boredom.  
  
"Oh. What's he doing?"  
  
"Stabbing a cave-troll."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because it's trying to kill him."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Finding this all very tedious, especially with the fact that there were two hours left, Bakura decided to make this marginally more interesting. For himself at least. "Because it fancies Aragorn too and he's jealous."  
  
"*Oh*. Papa said he liked Legolas one time. Dad didn't like that."  
  
And with that the daughter of the Game King had Bakura's full attention. Maybe this day wouldn't be so bad after all. It looked like the kid was full of potential blackmailing information. What fun. Now came the task of extracting that knowledge. "Really? And what else does Papa say?"  
  
Kiara swung her legs as she thought. "He says that."  
  
"Hold it." Bakura exercised his own hold on Shadow Magic to levitate the notepad and pencil left on the coffee-table to him. His back hurt, he didn't want to get up, and the baby was enjoying the senseless display of Orc blood on the screen. So "exercise" could screw itself. Thus equipped, he turned his attention back to the toddler. "Go on."  
  
Kiara giggled and obliged, quite liking the attention she was receiving. "Well, a lot of the time, Papa likes to talk about ruling the world and how he woulda stopped 'the degra.degradation of society' if he hadn't been put in the sodding Puzzle."  
  
"Really." Bakura scribbled this down, not quite sure how he'd use it against the Pharaoh, but best to play it safe. He was already finding this amusing all the same. He didn't know that Yami was still quite that egotistical. There were likely a lot of other things about the Pharaoh that he didn't know, an utter crime at the moment. He planned to make very good use of the little fountain on knowledge sat with him sucking on her thumb.  
  
"What's he say about Yugi?" Bakura asked wanting to see if Yami truly was *that* fond of his Hikari. He grimaced as the baby sent a jolt of excitement rampaging through their link at the mention of the name.  
  
"He says that Yugi is really nice, and he wishes that I'd take lessons from him," Kiara replied smoothly, her lack of any real interest in the latter of that sentence indicating that she had absolutely no idea about what those lessons actually were. Noting that mentally, Bakura decided not to press.  
  
There was something that he was genuinely curious about though. He knew that Kaiba hated him with a passion, even if he did tolerate him at late hours in back-alley stores, but Yami had turned into a bit of a question mark after asking him to child-mind for him. "And what does Papa say about me?"  
  
Kiara blinked owlishly. "Who are you?"  
  
Bakura had to resist the urge to roll his eyes and quashed the impending irritated groan. "I'm Bakura."  
  
"Oh. Papa says lots about you. Papa says that you're a crazy git with dumb hair, but with really nice legs. Dad doesn't like it when Papa talks about you," she replied matter-of-factly before her bright eyes sparkled conspiratorially. "He says lots of funny stuff when he thinks I've gone to bed. Or when Dad opens the secret cupboard."  
  
"'Secret cupboard'?" Bakura asked, quirking a brow. He seriously hoped that Kiara was twittering on about some sort of safe or hidden room in the house. He doubted that though. The Powers That Be were simply not that kind to him.  
  
"It has soda and drinks in it. But I'm not s'posed to see it." She frowned, her lower lip protruding in a childish pout. "I can't open it."  
  
Ah. She'd seen the liquor cabinet. Smirking, Bakura had her lead the way. He wasn't supposed to drink while pregnant (and the baby didn't like anything harder than mild beer, anyway) but there was no reason not to stash some away for after the birth.  
  
Oh, Ra. The birth. That brought on waves of panic and a desire to kill himself, here and now..  
  
Kiara watched as he broke the spell on the liquor cabinet with wide eyes, utterly puzzled as to how he could remove the magical bindings and she couldn't. The Tomb Raider noted that she's obviously made some damn-good attempts to get into it though, the spell obviously weaker than it should have been when he accessed it. Not being related to Yami and thus having slightly different magical energies at his command, breaking the seal had been relatively easy overall.  
  
"You have to keep this quiet, got it, kid?" Bakura instructed as he started rummaging around the various bottles, naturally reaching for those at the back. He looked down at her when she was silent, offering neither understanding nor confirmation to his order, and found her poking at a bottle of Schnapps.  
  
"Stop that!" He pulled her hand away, then tugged the bottle out and went to put it under his coat, the dark material lying crumpled over the arm of an expensive armchair. Whilst he was on that side of the room he glanced over to Kiseki, smiling wryly to see the tot still fast asleep on his side, minute fingers twitching every couple of seconds into fists.  
  
"But I want some, too!" she protested loudly when he had returned to the cupboard, looking up at him with frighteningly large eyes that now rivaled Yugi's. Such things did not work on infamous Tomb Raiders though.  
  
"No! 'Papa' will blow a fuse and you'll be grounded until you're as old as he is! Not to mention the fact that he'll send me so far into the Shadow Realm this kid of mine'll be grown and crusty by the time I find my way back out," Bakura stated firmly, picking up a few bottles by their necks and setting them on top of the cabinet. Closing the mahogany doors, he set about restoring the sealing spell whilst trying to ignore the noisy child at his knees.  
  
"But I want some!" came the near-shouted insistence, totally wrecking his concentration.  
  
"Drink your damn orange juice!" Bakura outright shouted, glaring down at her with fierce eyes as he pointed at the untouched plastic cup of juice he'd planted on the table a few hours ago.  
  
Her eyes widened at the cuss word, her mouth forming a perfect 'o' as she stared at him. Then speaking in a quiet, breathy voice as if fearing that she might be overheard, she warned, "You said a bad word. Say 'sorry' now."  
  
Bakura was not one to be ordered around by kids an eight of his height and his expression showed as much. "Sod off. You're parents don't tell me what to do and neither do you."  
  
Tiny hands curled into tiny, trembling fists at Kiara's sides. Her mouth scrunched up along with her eyes before she unleashed the most ear- shattering scream that Bakura had ever had the misfortune to hear. Lunging at her in a desperate attempt to cover her mouth before she woke up her brother and pissed off her incapacitated -yet still powerful- father, Bakura found himself being levitated and then relocated relatively gently into the armchair where he had just hidden his Schnapps. The baby was treating this experience as something of a theme park ride, quivering with glee at being chucked around.  
  
Removing the large bottle from the dent it had made in his leg and cringing at the pre-scream noises Kiseki was beginning to make, Bakura was faintly relieved to hear that Kiara had fallen silent. Looking back at the temperamental tyke, he suddenly wished that she was still bawling her head off. Her eyes had reduced to slits and she was sending veritable death- glares at him, but what concerned him more was the rapidly swelling mass of black and purple behind her. Apparently she *could* invoke the Shadow Realm, and if he guessed right, it didn't look like she knew she was doing it.  
  
Still, the dark cloud crackling with energy afforded him an opportunity. Reaching out a hand, Bakura concentrated a little and 'pulled'. He wasn't actually summoning so whatever he got would be extremely weak, but it just might distract the pair long enough for him to come up with a long-term plan. There was a flash of white light and then a fat Kuribo appeared on the carpet in front of him.  
  
Kiara practically squealed in barely-contained delight, scurrying towards the creature that was looking around itself with great confusion. Consequently, the portal into the Shadow Realm instantly evaporated.  
  
Getting up from the chair and leaving Kiara to fuss over her new plaything, Bakura strode back to the couch where Kiseki was still sniveling. He hadn't actually started crying but he looked damn near close. Awkwardly, Bakura put his hands around the cotton-encased child and lifted him up, naturally placing and then supporting him against his chest, taking a steadying breath as he did so.  
  
Instantly the sniffling sounds ceased, one of Bakura's thick bangs getting snatched by grasping hands and held tightly as Kiseki drifted off. Not daring to move, the Tomb Raider looked down to check that Kiara hadn't set the Kuribo on fire or anything, not moving his head even a fraction of an inch for fear of waking up her brother. Seeing that she appeared quite contented and, most importantly, *quiet* for the moment, Bakura breathed a sigh of relief. At least he was learning something: one kid per lifetime is *enough*.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Yami would have been less than pleased to find a Duel Monster in his house, and so Bakura had had the sense to convince Kiara to part with her fuzzy- friend. The price had been high though. A few choice children's videos complete with song and dance routines meant that he'd never be able to look at the colour purple again. Even the baby seemed genuinely frightened of the infamous Barney.  
  
Kiara had then demanded a finger-painting session. Kiseki had approved also, shouting a weird little gurgled chant (for lack of a better word to name the repeated sounds he'd made for a full three minutes) until Bakura had given him. Getting the paint was very straightforward: one scout down in the basement had produced multiple tins of paint, testers and the like, left over from decorating this place.  
  
It took a while, but Bakura gathered all the finger-painting supplies and returned to the room where Kiseki and Kiara were waiting with unbridled glee, fidgeting where he had put them and ordered them to stay looking disturbingly like Yugi on copious amounts of caffeine. He hadn't been able to find any paper, or mats, and didn't particularly want to walk up all those stairs again to ask Yami where such things were kept.  
  
So he'd improvised.  
  
He'd challenged both kids to redecorate the walls and ceiling (this room was painted a sickening shade of red-brown, anyway.)  
  
A half hour later the paint was gone, and splattered across the furniture, carpet, Bakura, the kids, but more importantly, the ceiling and walls.  
  
"Not bad," Bakura admitted. "I didn't think you'd be able to do it." He felt a twinge of hunger from the baby and relented without so much as a grumble. "Let's get lunch now."  
  
Bakura fixed tuna-fish sandwiches. While they ate, he explained in graphic detail how dolphins had been drowned for their lunch. He cackled while the kids whimpered and sobbed; as he'd expected, he got to finish off their lunches.  
  
A little while after Bakura had finished licking the last few crumbs from his fingers, Yami came limping down the stairs, wincing every now and then but clearly determined to retrieve his children.  
  
Kiseki clapped his hands and squealed at the sight of 'Papa'; Kiara launched into a shortened version of their adventures (lacking, Bakura noted, any reference to the 'secret cupboard', or finger painting.)  
  
Yami smiled down at his little darlings, scooping Kiseki from his highchair, and stroking Kiara's hair. "Well, Bakura, does her version of things match up to what you remember?"  
  
With a smirk at Kiara, Bakura answered, "We did some arts and crafts that she fell asleep during, but otherwise yeah."  
  
"Kiara, would you go find Paula?" Yami asked gently, and his daughter nodded enthusiastically and dashed up the stairs. At Bakura's expression, Yami explained conspiratorially, "Kaiba and I hide her favorite doll in her room. Keeps her up there searching for a few hours at least, and prevents our guests from having things thrown at them."  
  
"And here I thought you'd be opposed to manipulating children."  
  
"We'll see who's getting the snide remarks in a few weeks, hm?" Yami was leading him down the hall now, having set Kiseki down. "Before you go, I want to run a few of the tests on you I had to have done."  
  
"You are planning on paying me, aren't you? And what tests? You know that if you come anywhere near me with a needle that I'll find an interesting place to stick it."  
  
The Pharaoh tossed an annoyed look back at him. "Yes, you'll be played," he drawled out. "But you're past due for an ultrasound, among other things, and I'd love to meet the obstetrician who would take you seriously about being pregnant," he continued, collecting Kiseki and leaving the room. Rolling his eyes a little, Bakura saw no alternative but to follow. He watched with some satisfaction though as Yami made his painful way back upstairs.  
  
Making their way down doubtlessly one of the many corridors in the mansion, Bakura felt the need to break the silence again. He also wanted to see if his voice would echo. "Why are we doing this again?"  
  
He couldn't see it but he could just tell that Yami had arched a brow at the question. "This isn't exactly a usual pregnancy. You in particular need to know if everything's all right."  
  
Bakura shrugged, looking around darkened the room Yami had eventually led him into. He could just about make out the shape of a bed against one wall and an assortment of machines dotted around, none of which he knew the function of. "Fine, I get it. Check and see if Junior's got all her legs and limbs, yeah?"  
  
Yami gave a noise of affirmation as he flicked on the lights, carrying Kiseki to the opposite wall to the bed and setting him down on the high metal table. The Puzzle glowed for a second, and Bakura guessed that the Game King had established some kind of barrier to prevent the tot from falling off. Apparently Yami was still 'misusing the Puzzle' as it were, against Tetsuo's instructions.  
  
Yami glanced at Bakura and motioned to a metal table. "Lie down on your back."  
  
Ignoring the fact that he had just been ordered around, Bakura hopped up onto the table and took a moment to look around the room properly. It looked like a fully kitted medical unit, albeit a rather small one. "Why the heck do you have all this stuff?"  
  
Yami was in the process of rummaging through a cupboard, finally producing a large white bottle. "Seto had it brought in when I was pregnant with Kiseki. It was the only way to make sure everything was fine. He had a nurse come in and show him how to use everything. Now, roll up your shirt so I can put this on you."  
  
Gritting his teeth, Bakura grudgingly exposed his faintly rounded belly. Yami squirted a cool, pale gel all over him and then stepped back, dragging a monitor with various attachments to the bed. Bakura watched with a certain degree of disguised apprehension as Yami flicked it on.  
  
Picking up what looked like a small microphone, Yami rubbed it across the gel, smearing and spreading it, all the while looking at a screen on the monitor. "It's good you haven't used the restroom yet. Otherwise this might've taken a bit longer, or made the pictures less obvious." Bakura felt like hitting the spirit; he'd spoken just as he pressed down on the thief's bladder.  
  
But before he could move to get in range, Yami pointed at the screen with a surprising amount of excitement, grinning. "There. That's it." The black- and-white screen was turned so it was facing Bakura. "Do you see it? That's its head.and its back is facing us, see the spine.. There are its feet.."  
  
Bakura swallowed heavily, not really hearing Yami's words, just watching, completely mesmerized, as his baby's various parts were pointed out to him.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Bakura was still asleep when Ryou's alarm went off the following morning. Ryou decided to make breakfast and then wake his yami, since an offering of food would probably soothe any irritability he'd undoubtedly have at being forced out of sleep.  
  
As he was walking out to the kitchen, which meant he had to pass by the front entryway, he noticed that a bunch of envelopes were being stuffed under the door. However, the mailman usually came at noon. Not only that, but when he did come, he usually put the mail in the *mailbox*.  
  
Curiously, Ryou scooped up the deliveries and opened the door, just catching a glimpse of a tall figure racing down the street.  
  
Scowling, Ryou looked back down and closed the front door. On top of what were probably bills sat a yellowed envelope with "For Master Yami Bakura" in elegant script.  
  
Puzzled, and a tad nervous, he went back to Bakura. "Yami." When there was no answer, Ryou slowly waved his free hand over Bakura's stomach.  
  
Apparently the spirit hadn't just been paranoid, for he groaned and opened his eyes, muttering, "What is it?"  
  
He glared at Ryou when he saw what the hikari was doing, but a letter was shoved at him before he could come up with a suitable threat. "This came for you."  
  
Quickly, Bakura took the paper and tore open the envelope, not bothering to puzzle out who knew of his existence.or who would bother to send him something after they *did* know him. He pulled out a gift certificate- marked with a very hefty sum-for "Babies 'R Us". He went cold at the sight; who knew he was pregnant? Only a few people had that sort of money to just casually toss aside. Kaiba wouldn't support it, unless Yami had threatened him with celibacy. That was possible.  
  
"Do you think.that Isis will be mad? Isn't she supporting them, and so.isn't this *her* money?" Ryou asked quietly, motioning at the certificate.  
  
Almost afraid to find out who had sent this, Bakura looked closely at his gift.  
  
Down at the bottom it was signed 'Rishid Ishtar'.  
  
****  
  
Borath: Okay, the delay was long, but so was the chapter! There were a few cutesy moments in this fic, so review if just for the sake of fluff! Next chapter when we begin. Well, me, as it's my turn. Oi. This might take a while again. 


	9. Chapter Nine

Borath: Check us out!  New chapter, after... what?  6 months?  Wow.  A start has been made on the next chapter (my turn at starting) and depending on the reception of this one and our own lives, it should be up at some stage this year. ;p

Pachelbel's Notes: Well, here's a chapter! I can't promise the next one will be out anytime soon; we've got a vague idea of what will happen in it, though.  Anyway, the fic does have a heart beat again!

Spawn: Chapter 9

The baby store was overwhelming.  Not only did it reek of fresh diaper cotton and spittle, but dozens of small children were screaming over the tinny strains of popular Disney songs, while their inattentive mothers shopped or gossiped.

It was a would-be children's paradise, and in its entryway, a pale thief stood.  Paralysed.

"_Hell no!" He growled, when the horror had faded enough, and turned to leave._

Well, turned, and ran straight into Rishid, who didn't budge an inch when Bakura rammed face first into his chest.

Ryou frowned at his yami, then looked up at the tall Egyptian.  "He's just embarrassed…. I'm sure it's nothing to do with you, Rishid."  The teen was smacked by Bakura for that comment.  The baby came to Ryou's defense by flooding its father's mind with indignant protests.

"Welcome!" A clerk interrupted.  She looked tired, as if she'd been forcing cheer out of her ears for the past eight hours, and was fast reaching the end of her rope.  "Anything you're looking for?"

"Baby things," Bakura snorted.  "What the fuck else _would_ we be looking for?"

A child stared up at him when he said it, as did its mother, though one had wide eyes and the other was glaring.

The clerk sighed and forced a laugh.  "Well, we have 'baby stuff' everywhere, so you won't need my assistance, will you?"  Ryou could almost hear her mentally adding, _'Dumb ass'_.  She knew better than to say it to the temperamental tomb raider, though, which meant she was wise.  Wisely intimidated, at the least.

The thief's expression had darkened to one even Ryou rarely saw.  "No, we won't-"

"Well, actually," Ryou piped up, hoping he wouldn't be hit again for the interruption, "we need to know where the cradles are."

She motioned vaguely.  "Aisle Eight.  Or Eleven.  Somewhere around there."

Ryou quickly took off, hoping his yami would follow him rather than stay to argue.  No such luck, though it wasn't as bad as Ryou had feared.  Instead of arguing with the clerk, Bakura had become distracted by the cash register.

"Ah, Yami!" Ryou called, jogging over to him.  He reached out to grab Bakura's sleeve, but thought better of it and instead grabbed a little plush toy.  "Look! We'll need lots of these."

Bakura eyed it disdainfully.  "What for?" The toy was small, about the size Malik had liked duck heads to be when he practiced throwing them.  Somehow he doubted that was what Ryou intended it for.

Unaware of the thoughts going through his yami's head, Ryou said, "Well, to keep it quiet.  Babies need toys; it helps them learn."

"Hn." He snatched the toy from Ryou and inspected it, rubbing his fingers over the soft fur.  "It's a cow, though.  Find something else.  A bear." Bears were popular with children; Bakura remembered seeing lots of them in Kiara and Kiseki's rooms.

"Why don't you come with? I don't want to choose something you'll only toss back again," Ryou said, hoping Bakura had forgotten about the money over the counter.

The thief shrugged and threw the plush cow back into the pile of toys.  He was going to follow Ryou when a little toy mouse, the same size as the cow, caught his eye.  It seemed like something the baby liked--judging by its usual cartwheels-of-joy--so he pocketed it.  "Fine."

Rishid had wandered off at some point, though Bakura only noticed he'd been missing when they stumbled across the Egyptian calmly inspecting a rack of children's clothing.

When the two Bakuras walked up to him, he silently held out a little blue shirt to Ryou.

The teen blinked, then offered it to Bakura.  "What do you think?"

The spirit ignored the question and dropped the shirt in a hand basket he'd grabbed.  "What else?"

Rishid handed item after item to Ryou, who handed it over to Bakura, who stuffed it unceremoniously into the basket.

Once the rack was cleared of any clothing--and they'd filled up twelve hand baskets--Bakura sauntered off into the toy aisle, leaving Ryou and Rishid behind.

Rishid began to follow, but Ryou tugged on his arm and held him until Bakura was out of earshot.  "I've been thinking…maybe we ought to have a baby shower for him. The trouble is, I wouldn't want to invite my yami." He grimaced, picturing the outcome of such a get-together.

"I think it's a wonderful idea, Ryou."

"But it's dangerous!" Ryou protested.  "I mean, how do we get my yami to not notice we're throwing him a party to commemorate him being pregnant?"

Rishid frowned in thought.  He'd dealt with Bakura for well over a year now, and kept all his limbs; he was certain he could come up with some way to fit in a party without Bakura going spastic.

At last his green-gold eyes lit.  "We tell the guests to come before he's home; then we hide all the gifts, and he finds them gradually." Again he frowned.  "As for the party…we'll tell him it's for you.  A party to celebrate your becoming an…uncle?"

Ryou smiled slightly, pleased.  "Thanks.  Come on, we'd better find him."

****

Bakura had pretty much collapsed onto the sofa the second they got in the door.  Ryou had taken all the bags upstairs to squirrel away until they could sort it out later, but Bakura was still unconsciously holding the cuddly toy mouse.  It wasn't large and he only realized that he was still holding it when he looked, tossing it into the air idly and catching it by the string tail.

He was starting to fiddle with a beaded eye when a surge of power pressed in on all sides and inside of a blink he found himself in darkness.  Glancing around the Shadow Realm in irritation, he stood up from where he had been placed on the edge of his bed and chucked the mouse behind him.

"Alright, who brought me here?  Tetsuo?" he demanded of the surrounding darkness.  Looking around was pointless so he settled for crossing his arms and just listening.  He couldn't sense any danger and the baby seemed to be taking this as a merry adventure, twirling oddly in his gut with glee.  That was quite possibly imagined though, as babies who twirl tend to get their umbilical cords wrapped around their throats and choke.  Mind, Bakura wasn't even sure if the child was *that* big yet.  It felt like it sometimes…

"I see that you're beginning to accept this turn of events then."

Bakura turned to face Tetsuo who had appeared a few yards behind him.  He was stood by the bed and holding the toy mouse, picking at its felt ears curiously.  Looking up, he tossed the animal to Bakura who held it for half a second before throwing it onto the bed again.  Tetsuo raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"What do you want?" Bakura practically spat, narrowing his eyes.  He wasn't as afraid of this creature as he had been before.  Respectful of its power, yes, but not afraid.  The last time he'd pissed it off it could have skinned him alive with just a thought, but instead it had just created an 'empathic link' between him and his child.  At the time that had seemed comparatively worse, but it led Bakura to believe that Tetsuo meant no real harm.

The monster in question seemed to ignore the thief, sweeping around the side of the bed to sit down facing the spirit directly, his robes gathering thickly at his feet.  "It is time that you made some decisions about your immediate future, about how you are going to proceed."

Bakura groaned inwardly.  He was too damn tired to be making decisions right now.  The baby gave him a mental poke anyway as a prompt.  "Like what?"

"Well, your current form will become problematic within a few months, and so that needs to be addressed, and-"

"I am not changing sex," Bakura interrupted immediately, ironclad.  He could have sworn that he saw Tetsuo smile.

"That's fine.  It is possible to make some physical adjustments for comfort and then mask the changes with a spell.  You would look exactly as you always had to mortals even at full-term."

"It's gonna be pretty big.  I think someone would notice if they were stupid enough to walk into me," Bakura considered aloud, a hand rubbing his jaw thoughtfully.

Tetsuo tipped his head, thinking for a moment before answering.  "Only those who wished to could feel it, I assure you.  Those who are unaware would remain so.  Although, other Item holders would likely be able to see you as you are.  As I forged the Items, sometimes the spells I cast are, 'transparent' to the bearers."

"That's fine by me.  Anything else?"

"The birth."  

Bakura shuddered.  It was a reflex.  The baby bounced again at the prospect of freedom.  Nothing against living inside Bakura; it just didn't want to listen to the process of digestion for the rest of its existence.  

"You can resort to surgery or I can give you the ability to have something fairly natural."

Blanching, Bakura suddenly had the strong urge to protect his groin.  He wouldn't show fear though and so just settled for tightening his arms around himself.

"Which one would be more…invasive?"

"The natural way."

"Okay, which one would be more painful?"

"The natural way."

Eyebrows disappearing into his fringe in surprise, Bakura dropped his hands, his fingers not accidentally gliding across his stomach as he did so.  "Alright, which one can I do alone?"

Tetsuo appeared to scrutinize him for a moment, his head tipping back and to the side as he regarded Bakura with narrowed eyes.  "Either, depending on how drunk you are, but I believe that you would cope with copious amounts of blood far better than your own placenta.  I'd strongly advise your Hikari's help for either though.  You may have coped with injuries alone in the past, but inflicting such a wound on yourself and then handling a creature carefully is very different."  

"I guess I'll go with the surgery then."

Tetsuo clapped his hands together with a smile as he stood.  "Good.  Shall I make the necessary changes now or would you rather wait?"

Bakura suddenly raised a hand, frowning.  "How the Hell do you know how to do all this?  And why didn't you do any of this for the Pharaoh when he was knocked up?"

"I did not have the knowledge or the skills at the time.  I have practiced since then," Tetsuo replied with a small but uncharacteristic smirk.  Humanoid Duel Monsters were so helpful given the correct incentive.  Celtic Guardian would never be the same though.  

Deciding not to ask, Bakura opened his arms in a sign of surrender.  "Fine.  Do your mojo and then leave me alone."

There was a period of silence as the Shadow Realm seemed to pause, holding its breath, before Tetsuo nodded once.  Stalking towards Bakura with his torso tilted forward, demon eyes never left the spirit.  Finally, when there was barely a foot between them, Tetsuo straightened and brought both his hands up.  Without warning, he clapped them together hard millimetres from the tip of Bakura's nose. 

The spirit, at this close a range, just caught the gold sparkles that had appeared briefly between the monsters palms.  Tetsuo lowered his hands.  Nothing else happened.

"That was it?!" Bakura practically screeched, having prepared himself for the worst.  His hands darted to his own body, prodding his abdomen in particular.  Nothing felt different.  The baby seemed quite puzzled as well, quietly poking at the walls of its 'home'.

Tetsuo quirked a brow.  "You were expecting flashing lights and thunderclaps perhaps?"

Bakura scowled darkly.  "I expected some sort of change.  That's what you were aiming for, right?"

The monster reacted to that remark with his own scowl, but this one was of tightly-reigned impatience.  "The spell will only activate when you wish it to.  My intention is for you to become better adjusted to your situation, and perhaps eventually, not to feel ashamed of it."

Slightly taken aback, Bakura could find no immediate response for those insightful words.  Tetsuo seemed to take his silence as a farewell though, nodding slowly before vanishing, and soon after the Shadow Realm also receded.  

Bakura found himself sitting back on the sofa in the living room, the toy mouse sitting idly in his hands.  Ryou walked in with a tray that he set down on the coffee table.  Lunch was laid out neatly upon it.  He glanced at Bakura with a smile.

"Good to see that you're back.  May I ask if it was anything important?" he asked smoothly, taking a seat in the armchair opposite his yami.

"How'd you know I was in the Shadow Realm?" Bakura asked distractedly, busy poking at his physical body to see if anything had been done.  Tetsuo may not have been telling the truth, but he'd need some alone time in the bathroom to check if the monster had been lying to him about not having changed anything.  If it had lied, Bakura had more than a few ideas to exact swift and lasting revenge.

"A big purple and black cloud was sitting where you are now.  It wasn't that hard to figure out," Ryou replied with an ironic smile.  Bakura looked up at him in vague annoyance before going back to examining his stomach.  Still round but it looked like his.  

"I'll leave you to your lunch," the Hikari murmured with a smirk at Bakura's behaviour, standing and going back into the kitchen where Rishid was still waiting.  

"You still believe it wise to hold a baby shower for him?  Despite the fact that the others do not yet know of his condition?" Rishid enquired in a deep, smooth tone.

Ryou nodded with a sly smile.  "What better way to tell them?  I'd have to check with him first though. But for now I'll just tell them that it's my sister that's having a baby."

"Do you have a sister?"

"No."

"I see.  Well done.  There is just one more thing, though," Rishid said with more reluctance, his gaze lowering as he thought.

"Yes?" Ryou prompted anxiously, unsettled by Rishid's change in demeanour.

Rishid looked up again, his expression serious.  "We're still not quite sure who the father is."

"Ah."  A beat.  "Good point."  Ryou glanced into the living room where Bakura was suspiciously poking the bowl of noodles with the end of a chopstick before setting about tidying things up.  He paused after a moment, looking over to where Rishid had returned to unloading all the baby things.

"I forgot to ask before," he began, the thought only just occurring to him.  "How exactly did you find out about the baby?  And Isis for that matter."

"It's the only thing Master Malik has been talking about for the previous few weeks," Rishid replied calmly without looking up.  "He has been…scheming, far more than usual about all of this, but he is steadily warming to the idea I believe.  He is no longer cursing the God Ra about this turn of events."

Ryou considered this a moment before deciding that that was an improvement then.  "Well as long as he isn't going to come back here brandishing some sort of weapon."

"No, Isis wouldn't allow it," Rishid replied with a small smile.  "She is very pleased that she is going to be an aunt, and the fact that there are two fathers does not bother her in the slightest."

The teen sighed, bemused, and lent back against the cabinets as he brushed a hand through his hair.  "Rishid, just when did the world get this crazy?"

The older man straightened and his eyes seemed to become distant as he thought about the question.  Finally, he arrived at the answer.  "I believe it was about five thousand years ago, when the Items were forged."

There was a grumbling noise from the living room, and what distinctively sounded like, "Bloody Pharaoh."

***

While Rishid had scampered off to help Ryou and Bakura shop for the unborn runty, Malik had gone shopping for something else.  Among many things, he'd gathered a sack of plastic acorns, day-old donuts, fake blood, milk, and lots of yarn.  Now he sat in his apartment, all of his loot lying around him, waiting.

Malik sat with his back against the sofa, frowning in deep, unrippled thought.  Every so often he'd grab up one of the yarn bundles, eye it critically, only to toss it aside.

Finally he chose three colors for his newly planned gift: powder pink, butter yellow, and periwinkle blue.  And with this important, groundbreaking decision out of the way, Malik took up his new knitting needles and soon the only sound in the apartment was the soft _clink and __shh__ of aluminum and yarn._

****

Review and show that you appreciate our efforts in getting this bugger going again!  It was your reviews (and the one very amusing one, thanks) that thwaked the life back into this.


	10. Chapter Ten

Borath: Ha! The megaupdate! So stupendous that it deserved a new word as a title! (Comes down off high) Right, the babyshower idea is credited to Pachelbel--I just stuck in my 2 cents (or pence, to stick with my nationality). So yeah, huge update and I think I can speak for both of us when I say that this is one of the best chapters so far. If I can't speak for both of us, then I sure as Hell think it is. ^_^

And whoot-diggity-damn, ''Spawn''s broken the 100 reviews mark! You are all beautiful people, particularly those who reviewed. Those who have been reading and not commenting... Well, you smell. (Waves said readers away.)

Pachelbel: HUGE update. We've got 14 pages! FOURTEEN! So, be kind and review, since we got this out just a few weeks after our last update. Also, in this chapter: Bakura names the Father. Ooh, ominous XD...

Spawn: Chapter 10

Bakura hated Mondays.

Everybody seemed to hate Mondays. First day back at work or school, a reminder that you did have a responsibility and that you couldn't spend the rest of your life lounging around on your arse watching trash TV and eating junk food. What Bakura found strange was that he still hated Mondays without actually having to go to a school or a job. He just sat on his arse watching trash TV and eating junk food.

He'd spent a bit of time speculating on this and finally came to the conclusion that thousands of years ago, when the "week" was being formed, the priests or what-have-you had figured out that every seven days everybody got really cranky and brooding, and thus had proclaimed this day as the beginning of the "week" and figured out the rest around that. Some magical thing must be attached to Mondays, Bakura had decided. Probably a cock-up in the Shadow Realm, or just a spell gone wrong.

He looked down at his rounding stomach.

Spells did go wrong, so it was probably that.

Looking back up to the television, Bakura noted with pleasure that the Architect had finally finished gibbering crap that no one understood and he could finally go back to watching the film and, more importantly, cease these very meaningless and disturbingly astute thoughts. They had been unnerving him.

The front door slammed shut, signaling Ryou's return from school. Typically, he dropped his bag the second he was in the house and set about ridding himself of his jacket. "Bakura, are you here?"

Bakura rolled his eyes with a snort. "Just where the Hell would I be? I can barely get up with this thing attached to me." Said "thing" began wriggling with glee upon sensing that Ryou was home.

Ryou seemed to ignore that, coming into the sitting room where the second "Matrix" was blaring and sat down. He looked down at the breakfast tray on the coffee table, sighing when he saw that it was totally untouched. Both pieces of toast, the bowl of cereal, spoon, knife and marmalade were all exactly where he had put them this morning. 

He fixed a firm gaze on Bakura who met it equally. "Why didn't you eat your breakfast this morning?"

Bakura shrugged, his eyes drifting back to the television. "Didn't want it," he mumbled quietly. 

Ryou arched a brow. "Have you eaten at all today?"

"Yeah.."

Crossing his arms as what had probably happened for the hundredth time settled into his mind, Ryou couldn't help but glare at his yami. "Did you just eat Saltines all day?"

".Maybe.."

"Bakura! That's not good enough! You need to eat healthy food, things that'll be good for both you and the baby and not just things you like," he exclaimed, rising to his feet so as to stand over the spirit. Bakura merely looked up at him with darkening eyes. 

"I know. But the leach doesn't like a lot of that stuff and I'd rather eat crap and not puke than to suffer through a meal just to see it again in Technicolor."

Ryou threw his arms into the air in exasperation. Sometimes his yami could be very testing. "And the baby tells you what it does and doesn't like, does it?!"

The child in question squirmed pitifully, and Bakura picked up on a distinct feeling of uncertainty and fear coming from it, likely caused by Ryou's unusual outburst. He unconsciously laid a hand over his stomach, still glaring at Ryou. "It might as well 'cause I can tell when it disagrees. And would you bloody calm down; you're upsetting it."

Lowering his arms with an apologetic expression, Ryou wrapped them about his waist and cast his gaze to the space of carpet between his feet. Only the sounds of explosions from the television could be heard for several minutes before he spoke again. Bakura seemed quite happy to sit glowering at the screen.

"I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you. This is quite a dangerous situation and you really need to look after yourself. You remember how hard it was for Yami-Yugi; it nearly killed him," Ryou murmured steadily, finally eyeing Bakura as he trailed off. The spirit was still staring at the television and if anything his glare had intensified. 

Bakura spoke without looking at his Hikari. The truth was he was more scared than angry after that little speech. He did know what he had gotten himself into, and he did know better concerning taking care of himself. Hell, Tetsuo had started dragging him into the Shadow Realm almost daily to lecture him, something that he was really hating. But hearing it from Ryou with that much concern in his voice. He didn't like that one bit. 

"You will *not* compare me with the Pharaoh. Ever. And I don't give a damn if you're worried because I can take care of myself. So if you'd kindly take your sentiments and good intentions and shove them up-"

Ryou stared wide-eyed as his yami broke off mid-insult, snatched up the knife from the tray with an expression of terror and then almost stabbed himself in the stomach with it. He caught himself in time though, holding the blade a few inches from the area of flesh he was now staring intently at. After a moment his entire body twitched and the blade jerked dangerously in his hand before settling again.

Not entirely sure what to do, Ryou spoke his yami's name aloud and was partially relieved when cold, startled eyes locked onto him. He wasn't used to the expression that the spirit was wearing though.

Looking back down at his stomach, Bakura put the knife down on the cushion beside him and contemplated what had just happened. His conclusion was quickly reached and quietly announced. "I don't think it likes me shouting at you."

Tipping his head, Ryou finally felt he could broach the question without Bakura stabbing either him or himself. "What just happened? Are you alright?"

Bakura nodded rapidly, still looking at his stomach. "Yeah, I'm fine. I think it just kicked. A real kick, not these weird, mental ones that I've had already. It kicked my." His brow furrowed and he looked up to Ryou again. "What d'you reckon it kicked?"

"Your uterus," Ryou replied flatly, his expression switching from anxiety to bemusement. This really was a priceless moment.

Bakura pulled a face. "Don't be stupid, Ryou. I don't. Oh wait. Aw Hell, I grew a uterus. That's disgusting."

Laughing, Ryou considered moving closer to his yami in this time of confusion, but decided that it would likely be better all around if he stayed on his side of the room. "Did you think it was just growing in a space that happened to be in your abdomen? Besides, you had a uterus already. All guys do. It's very small and underdeveloped, but it's there."

The spirit looked like he'd rather have been told that he'd have to cut off his own arm to survive the night. The astonishment left now that he'd gotten a little more used to the idea of a baby sending a foot into his gut, and a glare at the situation in general slid violently into place. "Bloody Hell. You do know that if I get fucking periods after all this, neither of us are going to survive the first month?"

Ryou nodded solemnly in understanding. He'd be killed during a mood-swing and then Bakura would kill himself rather than face night-sweats, bloating, cramps and hormones.

Silence reigned for a quarter of an hour as Bakura steadily cooled off and Ryou watched his yami's restless fingers working over his side, evidently where the child had been attacking.

"What's it feel like?" he finally ventured, curiosity getting the better of him.

Tipping his head to the side, Bakura thought back to the sensation that may have *perhaps* caught him a little off-guard. "Like, a hard feather. Hurt a bit." A secret smirk, one that only a mirror and his Hikari (when Bakura was in a good mood at least) were permitted to see. "Felt kinda nice."

***

Four days passed with only a little activity from the baby, though Bakura seemed more relaxed than he had before the baby's movements. The atmosphere of the house was far more peaceful, near to glowing in fact, than it had ever been before. Ryou would have found this a good thing, if it weren't for one problem.

Ryou hadn't mentioned the baby shower to Bakura. As planned, it was going to be a surprise. Getting the belligerent spirit to actually leave the house long enough for Ryou and his friends to set up, however, was proving difficult, thanks to the yami's newfound "relaxation". Apparently Bakura had been reading and was using the "rest and relaxation" instructions wherever applicable.

"You need exercise, Yami," Ryou prodded for the fourth time that morning. "You should go for a walk."

Bakura snorted from where he sat in his customary position on the sofa. There was even a little dent beginning to form in the cushions from his almost constant presence there. "I have enough trouble walking from here to the bathroom and back. And would you move out of the way? I can't very well see through you."

Ryou was beginning to get desperate. The guests would arrive soon, and even if he could tell them to wait outside with their gifts, Bakura would find it odd that everyone Ryou knew was showing up at the same time. He wouldn't survive the minutes following that when Bakura got either overwhelmed or figured out what was going on.

So he planted himself firmly in front of the TV and glared with all the force he could muster. Bakura raised an indulging and slightly curious brow. "Get out of the house, Yami! I thought you'd be happy to chase a few ducks, what with the spare tires you're getting."

That did it. Either Ryou had tricked the spirit into leaving, or Bakura was about to commit murder. Either way, the thief was on his feet. Resisting the instinctive urge to glance about for his best escape route, Ryou held his ground defiantly and didn't take his eyes off his yami's.

"What did you say?" That was a tone that leaned more towards the "murder" possibility. That escape route was suddenly becoming remarkably appealing..

Ryou swallowed, feeling a little faint. Probably from the blood draining from his face. "You know...love handles around your waist? You...uhm...I bet you could lose them in no time." The urge was too strong and he edged steadily towards the door, not turning his back on Bakura once. That would be like turning one's back on a tiger that you'd just walloped with a stick.

Bakura followed. Ryou fumbled for the doorknob, but Bakura grabbed it first. At the last possible second, just before Ryou was certain Bakura was going to slit his throat with his fingernails, the thief yanked open the door, shouldered Ryou aside and headed down the steps.

It took a few minutes for the teen to get his knees to stop knocking together, but he managed to open the door when Isis and Rishid arrived. He sighed shakily and motioned them in, relieved that he wasn't on his own with a murderous yami roaming around.

"Where do you want us to put our gifts?" Isis asked, smiling pleasantly.

Rishid was holding two armloads--Rishid-sized armloads, mind you, and he was not a small man--of blue- and pink-wrapped presents. Both adults seemed very happy to be there.

"Uhm...put them in my dad's room for now." Bakura never went in there. Aside from the time he'd come home drunk and attempted to kill Ryou's father, that is. "It's the last one on the left down the hall."

Rishid awkwardly staggered away, trying to balance the teeming armloads. Isis smiled and sat down on the couch. "Is there anything you'd like me to do, Ryou? I could set out snacks or put up decorations."

"Oh! Yes, please. The snacks are in the kitchen." He led her in and showed her the stash under the sink.

Not long after, Joey, Tristan, and Yugi arrived, minus the heap of presents. Joey had an unwrapped pacifier, Tristan had a single bottle of bean-and-broccoli baby food (which wouldn't technically be useful until the baby was a little older, and the food would likely be spoiled by then. But Ryou decided not to say anything). Yugi had a small plush chicken.

"Yami's coming by later," Yugi offered, after putting the newest gifts together with the Ishtars'.

Ryou nodded, though he was feeling a bit anxious after hearing that. He didn't know how long Bakura would be gone, and Yami was really their best defense if this surprise party did in fact surprise the thief. He was very unpredictable when startled and having Yami pull both of them into the Shadow Realm would likely be the only way out of that sort of situation.

Tristan looked around. "So, where's your sister?"

Yugi and Joey exchanged a "look". Ryou blinked and then, abruptly, remembered. He'd put Amane's name on the invitations. Yugi and Joey knew she was dead. Ryou swallowed heavily and chose to simply come clean. The worst they could do, he reasoned, was take their presents home and never speak to him again.

"Guys, actually, the truth is...the baby shower is...for my yami." With that, he cringed, waiting for the laughter, the questions, the wrath. He had dreaded this possible moment almost as much as Bakura's bad reaction to this shower.

Yugi stared at him for a moment before looking to the side with narrowed eyes. He looked thoughtful, but not particularly pleased. "I had wondered. Yami's been talking a lot about him lately...so I wondered." His tone was not altogether inviting, and Ryou didn't know what to think of it.

Joey began laughing. "Bakura's knocked himself up!" When this statement registered, he frowned. "Waitaminute...who knocked him up?"

Now, this was one of the many things Ryou could not answer. And before he could say so, Joey held up a hand to stop him. The blond's expression was stoic and some of the colour had left his cheeks.

"Never mind. I don't want to know." The blond grimaced, the muscles around his jaw tightening fiercely for a second. "The mental images of Yami and Seto--however hard I fought them off, mind you--are enough scarring to last me a long time. So forget I asked, huh?"

Ryou nodded with an understanding smile and glanced back at Yugi, who seemed less than thrilled by this news. He didn't even seem remotely excited, and Yugi was generally one of the most upbeat people in Domino.

Ryou sighed to himself. He should have at least anticipated that Yugi wouldn't take the news well. Bakura had, inadvertently or not, killed one of Yami's children and Yugi was fiercely protective of his "nieces and nephews".

Isis broke him out of his thoughts before he could come up with something to say to his friend, smoothly gliding in front of him with a questioning expression. Rishid was off to her side with a piece of paper and small pencil in his hands, watching them both. "Rishid and I were wondering...where will the baby be sleeping, once it is born?"

Ryou frowned. His first guess would be Bakura's room, but if the baby was too loud at night it was likely that Bakura would move it to Ryou's care. He couldn't imagine his yami was a patient parent.

"We...haven't really discussed it," he admitted at length. "His room I suppose."

Rishid nodded once, jotted something on the paper and sauntered off. From what Ryou could tell, he had a list in his hand.

At Ryou's questioning look Isis explained, "We found a magazine article on household dangers to children. He wanted to make certain your house is free of them."

This, of course, was ridiculous. If there had ever been a more dangerous home for a child, Ryou couldn't fathom it. Perhaps a torture chamber or dungeon, but Bakura's bedroom doubled as both those things and more, on multiple occasions.

Though, whatever Rishid decided was unsafe would be confiscated, and there was nothing Ryou could do about that. It would have had to be done sooner or later, anyway. He just hoped that Rishid wouldn't go overboard and deem the house as unsalvageable and demand that they move in with him and Isis.

Deciding that it was likely best to speak to Rishid before he could further extend what already looked like a long list, Ryou began to go after the man. Until the door swung open and Bakura walked in. He stopped in his tracks instantly, looking slightly out of breath. The room froze as everyone turned to look at him.

"Uhm...surprise, yami," Ryou murmured weakly, trying to force a smile that came out more nervous than happy.

Bakura looked around, slowly taking in the subtle changes to the living room. It was cleaner, and the coffee table was laden with more junk food than Ryou had allowed in the house in weeks. The baby squirmed in a physical manifestation of a gleeful squeal. On either end of the table, vegetable dishes were also laid out.

Gradually his eyes came back to rest on Ryou. His expression was one that promised much suffering if he didn't like the answer he received. "...What is this?"

One thought pounded through Ryou's mind in a merciless loop at that expression: Why wasn't Yami-Yugi there? "A baby shower."

"A what?" Bakura's eyes narrowed, his tone low and disbelieving. The baby on the other hand seemed much keener. If it could have, it would have pricked up its ears at the thought that it was having its own "shower".

Ryou sought to explain, raising his hands minutely in a pacifying gesture and forcing himself not to back away. Perhaps this hadn''t been such a good idea after all... "Baby shower. It's a gathering, of...friends, and they give you things to help when the baby is born."

Said baby was beside itself with glee, practically quivering with excitement and joy. Not only had it picked up on all its favorite people being in the room, it also knew that it was going to get a lot of attention. Bakura thought he might be sick from the physical and mental cartwheels the baby seemed to be turning, on top of the thought that *this many people* knew about his "condition".

That freaked him out the most. But as the thought registered in his mind, he felt a sudden surge of warmth spread through his gut and heard a faint pop in his ears. No one else seemed to have noticed, but Bakura could tell that Tetsuo's concealment spell had just kicked in. Still, he wasn't entirely comforted. There were people here who knew about the baby and were, what? Giving him things?

"What *sort* of "things"?" He finally ground out, scanning the room quickly for any signs of conspicuous parcels.

Isis took up the answers this time, apparently unfazed by Bakura's mood. "Gifts." She turned to the bedroom hallway, her smile growing again. Ryou could tell that she was quite into the idea of being an aunt. "Rishid, please bring out the presents!"

Bakura's irritation quickly vanished, or at least was put aside to simmer, when he found he'd been given a crib, extra diapers, formula, a changing table, toys, blankets, clothing, pacifiers, and one bottle of baby food. His little child had exhausted itself in the excitement, though that wouldn't last long. Yami arrived fashionably late, with a basinet and diaper bag to add to the list.

About an hour after Bakura first arrived, everyone had divided up into smaller groups and were talking amongst themselves. Ryou had been standing off to one side with Bakura but left to sort out some more food, leaving his yami toying with the rubber bit of the pacifier Joey had given him.

The baby had finally exhausted itself from all the excitement and was being fairly quiet with only the odd flitter of overwhelming joy or boundless excitement drifting into Bakura's mind.

Bakura was just starting to enjoy the peace inside his body when he saw Yami approaching him. He stiffened involuntarily but tipped his head in greeting all the same. The animosity between them was still there and well founded but they had both become more civil around each other over the past few weeks.

The Game King smirked at the pacifier as he came to stand by the wall, leaning against it casually and crossing his arms. "You're taking all this surprisingly well."

Bakura glared at the other spirit who merely nodded to his stomach before continuing. "You're overdue for another ultrasound. It'll have to wait until next week though, when Seto is out of town."

Bakura smiled faintly. "Had a bit of trouble redecorating from when I last came over?"

Now it was Yami's turn to glare but he only "hmm"ed darkly in agreement. His expression turned strange then, crimson eyes dropping to stare at Bakura's strangely normal *flat* stomach, though Yami could see past the spell. There was a definite "silhouette" where Bakura's real girth should have been.

"Just how many times have you seen Tetsuo now?" Yami wondered aloud. "It seems that every time I see you, you reek of his magic."

Bakura snorted, tossing the pacifier onto the table. "It's not my choice. The last few times he's just snatched me up, had a chat, maybe worked some mojo and then dumped me back again," he groused. He had lost count of the amount of times when Tetsuo had pulled him into the Shadow Realm for a few minutes to lecture him or quiz him about something. Ryou didn't comment on it anymore it had become so commonplace.

Yami looked amused again. "It seems you've become his new project. I'm relieved. The Shadow Realm was even more chaotic than usual with him bored, and as he was created solely for me, I'm responsible for keeping him in order. But, if you're distracting him so well, I believe it'll be a far easier task for me."

The thief frowned as the implications of that set in. Tetsuo was going to get more and more involved and considering how much the monster interfered already. He had a headache just thinking about it. Apparently Yami acknowledged that it was his job to keep the monster in line, so maybe he could nip it in the bud. "You're refereeing the monsters then?"

Yami could instantly tell where this was heading. The eagerness and hope in Bakura's eyes gave it away. "Just Tetsuo. He's got an uncanny amount of sentience for lack of a better word, and it seems he has a fully formed personality and it's making him something of a pest. I am greatly indebted to him so I will not act against him, but I do need some way to control him."

A slick smile, almost mocking. Bakura looked like he wanted to claw it off.

"And as he's taken such a keen interest in you, I see no reason not to let him carry on with his new "project". He's helping more than hindering from what I can see, and hopefully he'll leave the other monsters alone now."

Bakura looked like he was on the verge of growling, his hands clenched in tight fists at his side as he glowered at Yami. The baby, perhaps deciding that it had had enough of the tension, kicked quite firmly in one of the more tender places it could, distracting Bakura enough for Yami to slip away back to where Yugi and Tristan were standing.

"That looked tense," Tristan commented with a glance over to Bakura. The thief appeared to be brooding now, slipping off into the kitchen moments later after Ryou.

Yami shook his head with a slight smile. "No, I was just teasing him. Tetsuo's meddling with him and I don't think he particularly likes it. I think it's for the best though."

Yugi cast Bakura's retreating back a dark look before looking up at Yami. "I don't understand. How you can...can even *talk* to him, or why you're helping him."

Yami eyes widened a little in mild surprise and Tristan wisely backed off, moving to see Joey on the other side of the room. "Yugi, I-"

"He's not sorry about it, Yami. I remember what happened and I don't understand how you can act like it never did. It's like you've forgotten about it."

The spirit's eyes darkened several shades with emotion as he swallowed around a sudden bitter lump in his throat. "How could I forget? I helped in her destruction, I felt it, did it and it still haunts me. I will *never* forget it."

Yugi studied him, a pained and confused expression in his eyes. "Then why are you helping him?"

"Because he didn't mean for it to happen. It was an accident and as brutal as it was, I've accepted that. I've done terrible things just like him, and when-"

"So you think that one of your children being killed was some fate-destined punishment for your sins?" Yugi cut in quickly, caught in the heat of the moment now.

He didn't notice that they were beginning to get the attention of those close-by despite how tightly hushed their voices were. Their expressions gave away everything even if they had been communicating telepathically. Verbalizing just seemed to be a more powerful way of relaying the point right now.

"I will *not* stand here and by psychoanalyzed by you. The point is that he is in a dangerous situation and I'm the only one with the experience to help him aside from Tetsuo."

"He-"

"This is neither the time nor the place Yugi," Yami snapped flatly, finality laid on so thick it was almost chewable.

From the doorway into the kitchen, Bakura and Ryou stood having watched most of the exchange, the latter holding a plate of sandwiches in his hands. Bakura's brows were raised, mostly because of Yugi's behaviour, and Ryou simply looked concerned.

"Do you think you should go over and say something?" he asked softly, watching Yami turn and stride away from Yugi while Joey place a hand on his smaller friend's shoulder.

Bakura looked to him in utter disbelief. "What? And have Yugi string me up by my entrails? Not a chance. If I'm lucky, Yami'll calm down and come back before I have to say anything because I know somehow I'm going to get blamed."

Ryou made a thoughtful noise before a loud bang caught his and everyone else's attention. The front door swung open yet again, but this time it was to admit an unwelcome guest.

"Malik!" Isis grinned.

Okay, mostly unwelcome.

Bakura frowned and moved to stand a little in front of Ryou, but Malik seemed not to care. Instead Malik strode over to him, knelt down, and thrust a hand under his shirt to feel his stomach before Bakura had the chance to protest. His eyes widened as the baby tentatively punched against Malik's hand, making Bakura growl.

"What the hell--"

"It's...it's still in there! And you're not fat!" He tossed a narrow glance over Bakura's slightly doughy frame. "Well, not fat with the baby. How'd you do that?"

"Magic," he answered clippishly, not noticing that Ryou had disappeared a few feet behind him. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"It's a baby shower. I saw so on the invitation in Rishid's sock drawer and the one on Isis's fridge. I figured you were Ryou's "sister"." He tugged a package out of one of his cargo pockets. It was hastily wrapped in tin foil, and Bakura honestly couldn''t venture a guess as to what it might be. It wasn't unlike Malik to wrap up poisons this way, nor could he think that it was unlike him to simply give away a ball of scrunched up tinfoil.

"I also came to give you this," Malik added.

Bakura took it cautiously and probed it with Shadow Magic for danger. Finding none, he carefully unwrapped it to find a cord of knitted, multi-colored yarn. He looked up at Malik's proudly beaming face.

"It's a baby noose! I figured you won't accept my help to get rid of it magically--my yami thinks it's because you're afraid we'll goof up and give you twins--so I made this instead. This is for when you get sick of its wailing, whining, spitting, sleep-robbing--"

The baby was now cowering so far back it could have been clinging to Bakura's spine. For his part, Bakura's expression was so malignant it had everyone in the room flattened against the walls. Except Malik, who was still yammering and not even looking at the tomb robber.

"*Listen*, Malik," Bakura snarled, and the Egyptian broke off mid-paragraph. "I don't want your help, your pity, or your pranks. I don't want you to come *near* us." He was seething now, blood pounding in his ears. "I don't want your psychotic driving. I don't want your schemes. I don't want *you*. From here on out, you are *not* the brat's other father." Bakura didn't look away from Malik, but he did point at Rishid. "He is!"

There was what could only be described as a collective blink from the entire group, although Isis looked at Rishid with a certain amount of interest. For his part, Rishid appeared a little fazed by the shock before smiling thinly and tipping his head graciously in Bakura's direction.

Joey's mouth had dropped open and the next words to tumble out of it were accompanied by a groan. "That's even worse than thinking of you an' Malik together...."

Rishid flushed at that and looked cautiously between Bakura and Malik. He didn't want to move anywhere, as that might draw their attention, and at the moment he couldn't tell what Malik might do. The younger Egyptian didn't take well to having things turned around on him.

A few minutes passed, and then Malik tossed his head back and laughed. "Ri-Rishid? The father? You're not serious!" His laughter died out. "I mean, you're *not* serious. *I'm* the one who's been sleeping with you, you dolt. Maybe not lately, but a hell of a lot more recently than *Rishid*."

"Master Malik..." Rishid began. When Malik didn't glare at him, merely turned an interested, slightly patronizing gaze on him, he moved forward until he was standing within arm''s reach of them. "You don't want the baby, Master Malik. Allow me to care for it as my own."

Bakura snorted. "'As your own'? It might just as well be. You're the one who made the potion. Malik just ordered you to do it."

Rishid kept a cautious eye on his brother, but had a thoughtful frown on his face. "I suppose that is true, Bakura."

Malik protested, half-heartedly. "What? Didn't you hear me? You and me, Bakura! Not..." he gestured at Rishid. When neither seemed swayed by this non-argument, he rolled his eyes and sighed in disgust. "Fine. But don't *ever* think of asking me to babysit, Rishid."

He turned and stalked away, not bothering to shut the door behind him. Rishid seemed about to go after him, but Isis shook her head. The tall man looked back to Bakura with the same thoughtful expression. For just a second, his frown flickered into a smile.

****

Borath: Well, there ya have it. It''s possible that this could be the very first ''pairing'' of Bakura and Rishid, so kudos to us for originality. Nice and long update here, so review with all due haste and intelligence. Or just say something nice.

Pachelbel: We need...crave...your reactions. And responses. *points* Review. *pause* Please?


	11. Chapter 11

A/N:

Pachelbel: Huge delay, but not as huge as the delay before this one . Only a few more chapters to go; everyone still with us? Anyone need flashbacks? LoL, I do have to say, this chapter was made possible by a grant from the reviewers…particularly the Duck Hunters.

Borath: Wow, this took a while. Shared blame, but still lots of apologies. Yes, thanks to everyone who has pestered us for an update. Was very sweet to feel so loved. Just hang in for a bit longer as this thing's nearly finished, and don't forget to cast a vote at the end.

A big thanks to everyone who reviewed! This thing would likely be long dead if it weren't for your support. Okay, it seemed dead for a while but that's beside the point…

SPAWN

"You're eight months pregnant," Yami mused loudly, packing away the ultrasound equipment and handing Bakura a tissue to wipe off the gel. A printed hummed to life in the background and started screeching. "How are you feeling?"

For his part Bakura scowled, swinging his legs back over the side of the bed and scrubbing at his stomach. To anyone unaware of his Twinkie-obsessed child it appeared normally flat and toned, but to everyone else he was practically blossoming. And he appeared most displeased about it.

"Bloody fantastic, like I'm going to explode really."

Yami ignored the scathing tones and walked to the now silent printer, picking up the small image and scrutinizing it carefully before handing it back to Bakura. The thief shoved it into his back pocket without a glance and tugged his shirt back down. "And you're eating properly?"

"Yes." The reply was testy and dubious at best.

Turning nonchalantly to the third person in the room, Yami raised a brow. "Rishid?"

"He is not eating his five portions of fruit and vegetables every day. The best I have managed is three," the taller man rumbled, his arms crossing across his chest.

Bakura frowned and made a shooing motion at his new guardian. "Oh go away. It's not like I even asked you to come with me." Turning to look at Yami again, his next words dripped with impatience. "Is there anything else you want or can I go now?"

"Well actually there is. I think-"

ADVANCE d 4

The thief's eyes suddenly widened as he cut Yami off. "Shit, need to pee."

Motioning towards the door with a bemused smile, Yami hopped up onto the bed that Bakura had just occupied and watched the other teen disappear into the corridor. "I definitely don't miss that." At Rishid's look he continued quickly. "The being taken by surprise part of it."

Rishid nodded slowly in understanding. "It is a trying time."

"Extremely, but despite the trials I wouldn't have exchanged the experience for anything in the world. And even though he won't admit it, he wouldn't either."

Rishid didn't answer, though he didn't look entirely convinced.

A few minutes later, Kiara appeared scurrying past the doorway and carrying on down the hallway at an impressive speed on her little legs, completely destroying the conversational tone. Particularly as she was carrying the Millennium Ring. Bakura appeared in the doorway seconds later, although he stopped and leaned an arm on the frame, watching Yami's daughter vanish around a corner. At their questioning gazes he merely shrugged.

"She's got Shadow Magic."

"So do you," Yami pointed out.

"…I'll get it back later. 'S'not like I gave it to her or anything," Bakura muttered suddenly appearing distinctively uncomfortable, alluding to the fact that that might not have been the case, and that she might just have liked it and looked really cute and he was going soft with all of his new hormones.

"Right," Yami drawled, not looking entirely convinced. "The only other thing that I wanted to talk to you about is the upcoming birth. Now, I know that it's not something that you're going to particularly want to think about, but-"

Bakura waved a hand quickly to cut him off, grinning mentally at having interrupted the Pharaoh twice in five minutes and from the looks of it irritating him immensely because of it. "No need to worry; Tetsuo and I have been chatting about that and we've got something figured out."

ADVANCE d 4"You didn't tell me that," Rishid piped up looking mildly hurt.

"Hey, you're only involved in all of this because you feel some weird sense of duty. I didn't ask you to be in the loop, so I don't have to tell you anything," Bakura snapped back, giving the Ishtar a stern look which had no effect.

Choosing to ignore the exchange, Yami sent out a message to Kiara to return to him with the Ring. He thought that if Bakura had it back it might calm him down a bit. Bakura and Rishid were still bickering when the toddler reappeared, bouncing up to the Game King and stretching up on her toes to give him the Item. Picking her up instead and taking it away whilst planting a kiss on her forehead, he returned his gaze to Bakura only to find that he was getting a very odd look.

Getting a brainwave, Yami spoke to Kiara aloud. "Kiara, give Bakura back the Ring."

The Ring came away from his hand and floated in mid-air, beginning a short trip to Bakura until Yami snatched it back and held it still.

"No, go to him and give it back, without using magic," he clarified, setting her down on the floor as he spoke and handing her back the Ring.

Bakura for his part had absolutely no idea what Yami was playing at but was finding watching the father and daughter interact fairly interesting. When Kiara tugged at his trouser leg he mimicked Yami by picking her up, relieved when lightning or similar didn't strike anywhere near him for his actions, and settled her on his hip. This wasn't entirely comfortable, but she simply couldn't go anywhere else. She could see his enlarged stomach, petting it absently once Bakura had manhandled the Ring back around his neck with one hand.

His own child seemed delighted at having a new playmate, thrashing and kicking merrily and generally being a terrible nuisance to its father's innards. But joyous and happy thoughts were being poured into Bakura's head from it so he wasn't going to quibble about it.

"See? It isn't so hard," Yami commented, watching them both like a hawk although he was trying not to appear too threatened. Rishid looked quite pleased himself and when the baby's movements became bruising, Bakura happily handed Kiara over to him. She immediately occupied herself with tracing the lines down the side of his face.

"Suppose not. The hard part's to come, and then it's eighteen years of pure joy until I'm free to do what I like again after that. Future's looking peachy," Bakura groused, coming up alongside Yami and sitting up on the bed beside him for the sake of his abused back. His whole body had started objecting to Malik's spell now and it was extremely tiresome.

Yami made a thoughtful noise, regarding Kiara in Rishid's arms, the child dwarfed by the man's size. "The majority of birth is unpleasant, and the tantrums when they're about this age are awful, but other than that it's not so bad. The good outweighs the bad, without a doubt."

Bakura snorted. "What? Like turning into a cow for a year? Yeah, that can get outweighed by spit bubbles easily." The thief was masculine by nature and the whole "making milk" thing had had a severe impact on his ego. In fact it was still bruising.

"You might not even be able to do that. Do you mind if I check?" Yami asked, his hand already reaching for Bakura as he spoke. At the other's assent, he prodded his chest very lightly before bringing his hand back into his lap. "Sore at all? Did that hurt?"

"Nope." Hope filled Bakura, something that he'd been missing recently.

"It doesn't look like you will be able to, then. You're quite lucky," Yami commented, remembering the substantial discomfort it had caused him in the past.

"Why could you even do it? Second time around, I mean?" Bakura asked, seeking an answer to a question that he had idly pondered before in the middle of the night.

Yami gave him a droll look. "Tetsuo." That explained everything in Bakura's head. "He though that I would appreciate it and gave me the ability to without telling me beforehand. He also sustained that aspect of the curse for several weeks after the Nyanichuan curse wore off after Kiara's birth. He "turned it off" so to speak at my insistence." He pointed at Bakura sharply and gave him a serious look. "If you start feeling an ache in your chest, talk to him immediately."

Giving a slow, wide-eyed nod, Bakura decided that he'd probably just been given some extremely good advice. "Gotchya."

Calming down a little now, Yami clapped his hands together in finality. "Well, if there's nothing else you're free to go. Make sure you're back next week; we need to keep a closer eye on your progress now."

Rolling his eyes at the fussing, Bakura slid off of the bed and placed a hand on it to steady himself before walking out the door. Rishid handed Kiara back to her father, returning the wave he received off of said toddler, before following after his charge as well.

Yami watched the empty exit silently with Kiara fussing in his arms. The room darkened by a barely perceptible amount and a third presence appeared. Kiara gurgled a small greeting before squirming out of his arms and trundling off after their departing guests.

"I could, you know."

"I know," Yami replied, not even looking at the other.

"It would help him to bond with the child," Tetsuo reasoned from the new shadowy recess in the corner.

"It would also help him to bond his magic with certain parts of your anatomy." Yami frowned, looking over his shoulder at the monster thoughtfully. "At least I think he could."

Tetsuo's eyes narrowed quite distinctly. He had no choice but to have unlimited patience with his master and to not make entirely rude comments and retorts. But sometimes Yami could really push it. "The debating of the presence of my reproductive organs aside, I do believe that the ability to feed his child naturally will be something that Bakura will ultimately appreciate."

"And I believe that you should cease meddling with his body unless absolutely necessary," Yami stated firmly, the Puzzle flashing briefly as a reminder of who exactly was in charge at the end of the day.

Raising his hands in surrender, Tetsuo gave a thin smile before receding back into the Shadow Realm. Yami sighed and put his head into his hands. "I really wish that someone had been around to lecture him on my behalf last year."

Tetsuo couldn't say that he felt especially happy about his interactions with Bakura. The Thief was essentially an enemy to Yami, and therefore to him. And even if Bakura's reactions to being pregnant were...amusing...they were also unpredictable, and at first had been infuriating.

He was more than a little inclined to go back to practicing on the Celtic Gaurdian, but Bakura's child needed his help and wasn't likely to find anyone else who would be willing to give it a hand. The consolation was that Bakura seemed to be warming to the idea of parenthood. He never got drunk, and Yami had said that Bakura had even exchanged babysitting hours for an ultrasound. It did look promising.

But Tetsuo also knew something Bakura didn't seem to grasp. Just because the tombrobber was sometimes eating right, and just because he now had a crib and clothing for the child, the pregnancy wasn't over yet. In fact he was nowhere near done with being pregnant, and it would only get worse before it got better.

Fortunately he had another remedy for the thief. A few months ago, he might not have bothered, but over the months he had come to enjoy watching Bakura slowly accept and, in the dark places of the night, look forward to having a child. And so as soon as he had the specifics of this newest magic worked out, Tetsuo calmly plucked the tomb raider from the real world and yanked him into the Shadow Realm.

To his mild surprise, Bakura turned on him, glaring like a cat who'd been dunked in a tub. "What the hell do you think you're doing now?"

Bakura was never very happy to have his life interrupted, but he had never reacted quite this way.

Tetsuo gave him a slight frown. "I am helping you. Again. This particular spell will take some time, however, so you'd do well to make yourself comfortable." The monster moved away from him for a moment, intending to lead him further into the Shadow Realm. Instead he felt Bakura beginning to head back into the physical world.

Irritated, Tetsuo turned back to him and tugged him closer. Bakura looked ready to hit him. "I don't have time for this. You told me last time you'd done all you can and the rest is all me, right? So sod off!"

"Yes, I had done all I could at the time, but now–"

"I'm not interested!" Bakura wrenched out of the magical hold Tetsuo had on him and stalked away.

"Stop!" The monster's voice was quiet, but firm with the undercurrent of a threat, and Bakura stopped without turning to face the other. Tetsuo moved easily and fluidly in front of him. "You can spare a few hours, I'm certain. Sit down and be silent while I work."

Bakura shouldered him aside and disappeared, this time making an effort to block the monster's ability to call him back into the Shadow Realm. Tetsuo stared at the empty space where Bakura had been and debated with himself. He could simply wait until Bakura was asleep, but the thief had said he didn't want anymore "help".

With a soft nod, Tetsuo decided. Bakura was mistaken if he thought simple spells couldn't be worked from inside the Shadow Realm to someone on the outside. He outstretched a hand, conjuring an image of what Bakura was doing in the physical world, and then awakened muscles within the spirit that had been dormant.

Had Bakura not been so hasty, Tetsuo would have blocked the pain he'd feel during child birth. Instead he had now awakened the muscles in Bakura's abdomen...very specific muscles for labor pains.

Suggested Derogatory Names for An Abhorrently Ignorant Writer  
1. Glitz  
2. Dwat (VOTED)  
5. Sop  
6. Hurbert (VOTED)  
8. Pleb  
10. Bralt

Cast your vote so that we may name and shame these foul heathens of fanfiction!


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